Random Thoughts

1. My favorite Golden Girl, Bea Arthur, passed away this weekend. I always felt the closest bond with Dorothy. Perhaps in part because we are both 5'9" with somewhat deep voices (mine is nowhere near Bea's, but it's a far cry from Michell'e). We are now left with only 2 living golden girls, the inspiration for countless girlfriend themed television series (Sex and the City, Girlfriends, etc.).

2. Arlen Spector can get it, just on GP. Of course the groundbreaking Senator that switches parties and gives the Dems a filibuster proof majority hails from the great state of Pennsylvania (KB's original state of bar admission, thank you.) When will others realize the Republican party is going the way of the Pontiac? Speaking of GM, is it just me or did everyone else already assume they stopped making that model years ago? I haven't seen a new Grand-Am on the road in ages.

3. Who determines what is a pandemic? I understand there is a threat of widespread Swine Flu infection, but 20 people getting the virus (ps: it sounds like the most it causes is flu-like symptoms, not death or worse: weight gain and/or hair loss.) in all of the USofA does not seem to be as big of a threat as say, the bubonic plague. Also, if you don't carry Purell in your purse and use it on the regular, that's your bad (IMO).

4. Finally, this Thursday, April 30th is Dining Out for Life®. DOFL is an annual fundraising event involving the generous participation of volunteers, corporate sponsors and restaurants. Naturally the fabulous event was created by a volunteer in Philadelphia at ActionAIDS (an organization I volunteered at while living in Philly). Everything fabulous and groundbreaking usually comes out of Philly or Pennsylvania (see my Arlen Spector blurb above.)

More than 3,500 restaurants donate a portion of their proceeds from this one special night of dining to the licensed agency in their city. Nearly $4 million dollars a year is raised to support the missions of agencies throughout North America. With the exception of the annual licensing fee of $600, all money raised in these cities stays there.

I have served as Ambassador (hostess) for DOFL in Philadelphia and will be doing so here in Seattle as well. I encourage you all to participate in this worthwhile event.

Check http://www.diningoutforlife.com/ to see which restaurants in your city are participating.

Smooches!

KB

Who cares about your career? Who are you seeing?!!

A friend of mine posted an interesting message on her Gchat status window:

"Ladies, have you ever told a friend some exciting news in your career or personal (spiritual, health) development and get a lukewarm "yeah, thats cool" but then if you so much as whisper the possibility of a new guy to said friend, they go orgasmic and start conjuring the wedding? Is this just my friend, me, a really disturbing problem, or the reality of being a woman?"

I responded to her message that I have a few friends that react similarly to man news versus non-man news. Check out our chat below and post a comment on your reaction to her message. Please and thank you. :)

me: boo on your friend. that's lame. i have a friend or three like that. it'll be like this:

Me: "I passed the bar"

Them: "Yay. Congrats."

Me: "I started seeing someone."

Them: "OMG!!! YAYYYYYY Does he have any friends?"

me: boo

Dorothy: i know, i feel like my law school friends particularly, are obessed with finding a man/relationships

i mean hey, i like to talk about dudes too, but damn, just a little balance please

cause when you are constantly talking like that i just feels like it creates so much desperation and negativity

me: exactly i'm 100% with ya

Dorothy: lots of interesting thoughts coming out of my status lol

Dorothy: why do you think some girls react in that way?

me: father issues

Dorothy: im now going to collect all the comments lol

me: want me to post a blog about it?

Dorothy: oh you totally should

My friend then sent me a collection of comments she received from friends in response to her message. Here are a few highlights:

Dorothy: yeah, its like come on gals, dont we have more going on in our lives??!!!

friend1: truth is many of them do, but it's a slow process to take your little girl dreams of a white dress and knight in shining armor and accept the fact that other things - like great family and platonic relationships, relationship with self, career, hobbies - can be fulfilling also; some just haven'tgotten there yet
________________________________________
Dorothy: but why isnt my career, or my health, or my relationship with God intimate?

friend 2: b/c it's not about sex or the possibility of sex

Dorothy: well that's unfortunate, women have much more to offer than sex

friend 2: sad, but true. i dont think this is a women-specific thing. i think we all have more to offer than sex, but sex remains an interesting subject

_________________________________________

Dorothy: i mean that some women are ok with being single - that doesnt mean they dont want to get married or wont be happy to meet a nice man - but that they are relatively content and may be getting happiness from other things. so when you then tell your friends omg x,y,z, that is not relationship related has happened to me or for me or some goal you have achieved and they react to that like oh yeah whatever, i think its just dissappointing. like your friends should be happy for you whatever it is your happy about.

why do some women only respond positively when it involves a man?

Friend3: yeah i mean theres no nice way to put it. thats exactly what happens. i was talking to my line sister. no one in our line is married or engaged and the line b4 us like over 1/2 of them r either already married or engaged, and i was like they are tighter than us and my friend was like girl people r on our line who r doctors lawyers etc and i was like i dont care we r single. no one wants us:(

Dorothy: booooo. that's horrible. no seriously.
_____________________________________________

Dorothy: yeah, i guess women are interested in different things

Friend4: yeah... the only problem with the wedding day dream is a wedding only lasts for a few hours. and then what?

Who Should Pay More?

Should overweight people pay more for airfare?  I think the answer is obviously yes.  Obesity creates externalities- they make life uncomfortable for others.  Specifically, in tight places like on airplanes.  I think that we are all given a certain amount of space on this planet and some people are taking up more space than has been allotted to them.  Consequently, they must pay more.

I, like the woman in the video, struggle to find the reason why people who spillover into others' seats should not have to pay extra.  Her argument appears to be that it's discrimination.  I increasingly find this argument troubling.  Fat people have been pushing this discrimination argument as if they are victims of a cruel society.  However, their argument must fail because of the idea of choice.  Gays are denied rights mainly because society, and more specifically the law, views homosexuality as a choice and thus not worthy of much sympathy.

If this is true...why then should anyone feel bad for someone who is overweight?  Granted, many argue that it's not their choice and is instead genetic and/or medical.  Indeed, just yesterday a co-worker advanced this argument.  However, I still observed a difference in our eating habits.  She ate much more than me.  This happens consistently, which is why I find the medical problem argument unavailing.  It's a choice.  You choose to eat more, you choose to eat unhealthy food, you choose not to go to work out and you choose not to seek a medical solution to your medical problem.  You can choose to jeopardize your health if you want to, but why do I have to suffer?  Why do I have to be uncomfortable?  Why do I have to pay higher insurance premiums?  Why do I have to make all of the sacrifices?    

I am petrified of becoming overweight and will go through great lengths to prevent such from happening, including paying a ton for a gym membership AND personal trainer and paying more for healthy food.  It's also a time dedication.  It's not easy.  Fat people feel bad when people treat them poorly because of their weight and I sympathize.  I really do.  However, who sympathizes for me when I wake up at 6am to go to the gym?  Where's my sympathy when I pass on that brownie?  Who invites me to the Oprah show when I feel weak from hunger pains?  No one!!!  It's the nasty secret life of thin people.  While I am sitting at home alone starving; some people are sitting at home stuffing themselves.  I am not mad at you...do your thing.  But, own it. 

Which to me begs the question:  should thin people have to pay extra? 

Who Wants to Fuck A Pirate?

The Day I Decided I Want to Fuck A Pirate

The other day I woke up to news that Somali Pirates had taken over a ship, got shot up by Navy Seals and then vowed revenge against the USofA. My initial thought was OMG..I just woke up in 1666! It's several days later and they are still talking about these damn Pirates. Today, I got a hard on thinking about these Somali Pirates despite having never ever seen a picture of what they look like. Indeed I hadn't seen one until I googled the above picture. I'd smash.

However, truth be told? They don't have to be hot to get sommadis! Yesss honey! These bitches took over a whole damn ship and stared down the fucking US army and then said fuck you to Barack Obama and the white guilt he rode in on. That has to make you at least a lil bit horny. It's more than ambition, it's motherfucking hot. What it must be like to be the love of a Somali Pirate! I could cook and clean and guard the gold until my man gets back from the high seas with more money for me. Although, I don't know what they do with all that there money. There's no Prada in Somalia and UPS ain't gone deliver you no Louis Vuitton. And, it's not like you need money to buy a house because if you can steal a ship, you can steal a house. I don't know what I would do with all that money. I'd prolly run off to Europe with that shit and live the life of a Queen. Actually, I'd prolly run off to Chelsea and live the life of a Queen. I mean a milli in the US must be infinity in Somalia...no? (Does Somalia even have currency?) Further, would it even matter that you were walking around with the flyest shit if nobody knew what fly shit was?

I digress. The point is I wanna fuck a Somali Pirate.

The end.

P.S. Anyone wanna take a cruise off the coast of Somalia with me!!?? Fuck the search for the gay rapper; find me the gay pirate!!!

P.P.S Somali Pirates if you are reading this call me! 555...

KelleBelle Commentary:

Ladies and gentlemen...the return of Jake!

Boy when you make an entrance, you really make an entrance!

Pirates kind of have a certain swag (pun completely intended!) about them, but I'mma give it to the Navy Seals for giving me a lady hard on. Can you imagine? Being held captive by some filthy pirates (I imagine they smell like ass and fish whereas the Navy seals smell like Cool Water and freedom) and then the seals swoop in and save the day. Y-U-M

p.s. LMAO @ "if you can steal a ship, you can steal a house." LOL. Thank jehbus you are back!

RIP: KelleBelle Dies of Embarrassment

Okay, not so much. But I did feel like dying after I committed a fashion (actually, make-up) faux-pas recently.

Picture it: a dear friend from Philly was in town last week for work. After a lovely dinner, we hugged and kissed each other's cheeks. I then went about my way to enjoy the fruits of his labor, when I received a series of alarming texts from said friend:

"U got me GOOD"

"Talking to techs and crew"

"Talking to opening act"

"Friggin talking to guards"

"Talking to band"

"20 mins"

"No one tells me I got white crackhead lips"

"Pass the mirror...(sees white chalked lips)"

"wtf?!!! KELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I confronted all 20 people like 'I am offended you let me talk and walk about with crackhead lips and didn't say SH*T!'"

"We are all laughing SO HARD"

Kids, upon seeing this series of texts I almost fell to the ground in complete horror and embarrassment. Of course my girlfriends were dying laughing when I told them what happened. And then they recommended I make a stop at Nordstroms - STAT - and get "makeup sealer" at the MAC counter, which should prevent any future Tyrone Biggums/crackhead lip situations from occurring in the future.

I'm just happy my friend happened to pass by a mirror before he went to work. Did I mention his work involves performing in front of thousands of people? I could see the Perez Hilton headline already: "Guess who forgot to wipe the crack residue from their lips before hitting the stage? Find out who after the jump!"

The good thing is my current beau has the same skin tone as me, so I can rub my foundation all over him and no one can tell! ;)

Smooches,

KB

Which trifling news-maker do you identify with?

Have you ever related to a notorious "real-person" newsmaker? I rarely have, but recently I couldn't help but identify with a certain woman that mistook her stomach for a baby making factory. Or a beagle's womb.

It happened when I took my dog to the vet to examine an injury he had on his ear. After the diagnosis the vet told me how much the surgery would cost - in the neighborhood of $1000. My heart sank and I began pondering what to do: postpone my plan to buy a new car even though I know my current vehicle could die any moment? Sell an ovary? Get back in the hustle game? Jokes. But I felt awful that I was not completely prepared to handle the surprise incredible cost of what I was certain would be a quick, cheap fix to make my baby okay.

I felt like a failure of a mother who couldn't take care of her dependant. And I immediately identified with that crazy broad, the Octomom! I thought, "Wow, this must be how that crazy b who is no position to take care of her children feels!" I felt bad for her, for a moment.

What other non-celebrity newsmaker can one identify with?

Anyone have a hair piece save their life a la that woman who's weave stopped a bullet aimed at her?

I'm sure someone out there defrauded their homies and lent money they lent them to someone else and kept the rest, a la Mr. Madoff.

Do tell.

Smooches!

KelleBelle

Return of the Swoon

Hey kids! Long time. I apologize for the delay in posting. I have been swamped with work...but more importantly I have been living blissfully in Swoon-ville. Population: Me!

Yes, chil'ren, KB has taken to a certain someone. I am not going to give too many details, but let me put it this way: yesterday I realized that I hadn't watched a stitch of TV for 4 days straight. Why? Because I was either with the swooner or thinking about the swooner, which requires my complete focus.

The only caveat to this good swoon news is the swooner's occupation. There are 4 lines of work that due to the amount of travel, has the potential to create havoc on relationships:

1. Professional Athlete

2. Musician

3. Military

4. Government official (I guess - I haven't dated this category)

Hopefully the power of the swoon will alleviate any challenges the travelling will bring.

Thank the lordy for email...and webcams!

Xoxo,

KB

Note: The above picture is an inside joke kind of thing...that only the swooner and swoonee are privy too. *smile

Dora Fierce?

Have y'all peeped the new Dora? I asked my two close friends with daughters that are Dora fans what they thought of the new look. I am disappointed with it to be honest. I mean, our children are already overwhelmed with the western concept/ideal of what is "pretty" - long straight hair, fair skin, thin, trendy clothes...blend in, look cute, and don't be unique or original. Sigh.

My friend Elaine showed the image of the new Dora to her daughter and this is what 4 year old LaLa had to say:

"She's pretty. The old Dora doesn't have earrings. This Dora [the new one] is the most pretty."

Double Sigh.

Elaine then asked me if I peeped the new Disney princess - who is Black. I'm impressed! Honestly, I'm just pleased her hair looks somewhat realistic and they didn't give her some Asian silky straight human hair for weaving in color #1B.

This picture actually doesn't do her hair justice - in this picture her hair is more curly than in the film. In the trailer you can see it is more straight, but at least they gave her some curls/tendrils to make her look more authentic.

See: http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/princessandthefrog/

Also, peep her shape in the trailer - is it just me or does she look more "athletic" than other Disney princesses? Her back looks a bit muscular and it looks great! Or maybe I'm just projecting. :)

Smooches!

KB

The Nerve!

This is an emergency post. I was not planning on writing about this series of events but I just had to.

Picture it: I played wingwoman on Saturday night for a couple of girlfriends. To make a long story short, there were 3 brothers: 1 lives in Seattle, and two live in South Carolina where they are originally from. The two brothers were in town visting and they all hung out with my girlfriends. I was the 3rd and my match was the brother that lived here. After the 5 of them had hung out a few times without me last week (due to work/other obligations I couldn't join), I finally joined the party Saturday night, reluctantly.

We all met up at a WACK club (par for the course in Seattle) and quickly decided to move it to my crib. We ended up having a great time chatting, laughing, drinking, hanging with the chief, etc. They left around 3am - mind you my normal bed time (insomnia notwithstanding) is around 9pm. I could barely keep my eyes open when they left.

As they were leaving I told my match that we should hang out in the future, and he agreed. (side note: he was cute enough and mildly amusing, but not that amazing.) About 5 minutes after they left I noticed the guys left their chief. I sent my girlfriend a text telling her to tell the guys the scoop and I received a phone call from my match not 2 minutes later. I asked him when he wanted to pick it up (another day), or I could drop it off the next day, as I was half-asleep and already in my pjs.

He then proceeded to drunkenly attempt to negotiate his way back up to my apartment. He wanted to keep the party going, just him and I.

I was not down for the following reasons: 1. I was exhausted. 2. I don't know him like that. 3. I'm not a horny 22 year old that can't resist an invite for a drunken makeout session. No thank you.

We hung up, I went to bed, and that's it. Then my friend asked me today if I heard from said dude. I said I didn't but I'd send him a text to see what's up. Here's the series of texts:

Me: Hey there...Your bros make it home okay?

Him: Yeah they did thanks for asking

Me: Good to hear. So you gonna come by and scoop your stuff?

Him: Naw may be another time could you put it up for me ?

Me: Sure. I wasn't suggesting you come today. I'll stash it.

Him: Cool thank you

Him: Hey you can go head and keep that i'm good

I was THIS close to replying with the smartest of smart ass replies, but I decided to be the mature adult in the situation and left it at that.

I emailed the above series of texts to my friend along with a note detailing my extreme distaste for this supposed "gentleman." She told me that he told her he was OFFENDED that I didn't want to kick it post 3am Saturday night. Are you mofo joking? I told her I was appalled and he needs to apologize to me asap as it will be a cold day in hell before I tolerate such fuckery.

Is KB overreacting here? Call me a traditionalist, but I think the above correspondence and series of events is incredibly rude and anything but gentlemanly.

My friend who recruited me as the 3rd and thought that this dude and I would be a good match is disappointed it didn't work out. She also in my opinion insinuated that there was miscommunication going on and it wasn't completly the dude's fault for being a jackass. I highly disagree.

I suppose I made out on top on this one: I got to keep the chief! ;)

Smooches,

KB

Barenaked Ladies

The locker room at my gym is anything but a relaxed, comfortable, calm environment for ladies to dress before and after their workout. For some reason, various women walk around buck naked, which is not my problem. My problem lies in their drying game. P.s.: These women are always the owners of haggard, sagging, wrinkly bodies who have NEVER heard of a bikini wax.

These broads will dry themselves with their towel in the middle of the locker room, often times lifting their leg up and really getting in there to make sure their uterus is completely dry. Fine. But when I am sitting on the bench next to you putting on my workout gear, please do not raise your leg and commence the extreme drying. I looked to the left the other day as I was putting on my running shoes, and BOOM! Bush city. YUCK. I literally shrieked and closed my eyes shut, trying to erase the image from my brain. No luck.

After that awful beaver run-in, I walked to the sink area to wash my hands. Dude, another broad fresh from the showers was in there, naked as a jaybird. She was drying her entire body with the hand dryer. I understand it when people use it to dry their hair, but if you are really trying to get your body completely dry, a hand dryer is not going to get it done. And you risking dislocating a hip joint to thrust your leg up on the wall and clean the lady region is horrifying, and dangerous.

These chicks need to loosen the purse strings and sign up for the gym's towel service. Or bring your own hair dryer and towel! Jeez, I'd buy them one if it would save my eyes from seeing their birth canals on the regular.

I don't trust gym locker room cleanliness so I refuse to get dressed/shower there. Luckily I live close to the gym so it's not a problem. But I am still forced to sometimes get dressed to work out there if I am coming from work. And that's when I run into the barenaked ladies.

I wonder if I anonymously post a print-out of this blog in the locker room those women will get the hint?

Doubt it.

Smooches,

KB