Preggo Pick-Me-Up

It's about that time when folks get really SAD (seasonal affective disorder). More than a few friends are ready to bust out and re-locate to costa rica and join the peace corps. One in particular has been having some rough days, bursting into tears at a moments notice. It may have more to do with hormones than dreary weather, but she's in need of some pick me up tips asap for her well-being and her babe to be.

You see, I currently have four friends that are pregnant. Seeing as how my usual advice - to make lemonade and add vodka when life gives you lemons - won't apply to them for the next few months, I had to think of some mood-lifters in crappy weather/times:

Vodka.

Oh wait. Strike that from the record.

Laughter.

Be it from TV, movies, friends, books, co-workers, etc., laughter always puts you in a better mood. Regardless of the weather.

Sun breaks.

I know for me, even three days away from the gray skies and piles of dirty snow on the ground was a complete mood lifter. I really think the trip was medically necessary for my mental and physical health. It's hard to not get sick from the constantly freezing temperatures and snowy walkways.

If you can't take a sun break in the near future, create your own sun vacay at home. Grab some non-alcoholic margarita mix, coronas (only if you are in your 3rd trimester), chips & salsa, a kiddie pool, pics of the beach, Bob Marley cds, and slap on a sun dress or maybe even a bathing suit. Yes, you will look utterly insane, but you should be laughing extremely hard at yourself by this time as you look in the mirror and take in your futile attempt to convince yourself summer is coming. Just picturing my super-pregnant friend in a bright red bikini with an umbrella hat in her apartment in Brooklyn is making me giggle. And I'm not even SAD! =)

Food.

This is the one time in your life when you can gorge on any and every comfort food you ever desired and not be judged. You'll be paying for it with extra long post-partum work-outs at the gym, but for now, get to grubbin'. I bet you'll feel much better when you are sipping some super rich hot chocolate followed by a philly cheesesteak. You'll be in a food coma soon enough and will forget all about the depressing weather outside.

Hope this helps! Off to happy hour. :)

KelleBelle

More Random Thoughts

If it looks like a killer, acts like a killer, and has killer in its name...don't f*ck with it.

I grew up at the beach, love aquariums, and have been to SeaWorld many times. In fact, up until the age of 8 I legitimately set my sights at being a mermaid as my career goal. However, I have always respected the ocean and feared it. Stepping on a sand shark as a child can do that to ya. Look, I feel awful for the family of the trainer that was pulled to her death yesterday by a killer whale during a performance at SeaWorld, but let's be real. It's a killer whale. Hello. Combine anything with "Killer" in front of it and captivity, and this is what happens (ps this was the third death this whale caused).

Now excuse me while I harvest honey for my tea from some killer bees. Mmm deathly.

Movie snooze.

I finally saw Avatar. I'm not sure if the extreme hype affected me or what, but I don't see what's all the hub bub. It was entertaining, but so was Jurassic Park, The Matrix, and Alien. I do love that phony ponies played a major role in the flick! I wonder where the studio got the hair from. Probably Star Beauty Supply on Crenshaw and Normandie.

News snooze.

While home in Cali for a much needed sun break I noticed the striking difference between what is considered "top news" in LA and in Pittsburgh. Here were the first four "top" news stories:

1. Extensive coverage of the Tiger news conference.
2. Rain possibly in the forecast. (Ooh scary! B please.)
3. Kim Kardashian did an in-store to debut her "celebrity" cupcake: pink vanilla frosting.
4. Hemp Con 2010.

I think by the 20 minute mark or so they finally touched on the health care bill debate, jobless rates, and the upcoming gubernatorial race.

In contrast, Pittsburgh evening news usually leads with a combination of the following (at least these last few months):

1. Snow.
2. More Snow.
3. Awful road conditions causing accidents due to the never-ending snow.
4. Snow.

Then they'll get to local crime and national news, but not before they talk about hockey and football.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I needed a brain break. Back to the grind...

Smooches,

KB

Random Thoughts

Tiger broke his silence today. And said nothing. Snooze. But yo T - ease up on the little debbie snacks while you're holed up in the crib avoiding the paps. No one wants to see a chubby cheetah. A muscular man-whore is much easier to watch.

In double standard news, a small plane crashed into a building in Austin, TX yesterday. The pilot was allegedly aiming for the IRS which occupies a few floors of the building. To quote Mr. Jake A. McKenzie: "Why won't they call this white dude what he is: a terrorist."

In the latest observation of the wack side of Pittsburgh, my fav gal pal and I had a random, hilarious conversation Wednesday evening reflecting on the lame nick-names folks out here go by, and the vanilla government names behind the cornball made up monikers. To give you a few examples:

"Knowledge" is a thick white boy with Heavy-D esque eyeglasses (shaded a bit) and an edged up beard. Real name: Matt.

"Image" is a passive black man with dreads and an odd sense of humor. Real name: Billy.

"Free" - Unless he stans for 106 & Park or is recently out on bail, I don't get it. Real name: Walter.

"Black" is extremely high yellow. So shouldn't his name be..."Beige"? Real name: unknown. Likely Gilroy or Stacey.

With the help of Bob, said gal pal and I (both having vanilla government names) anointed ourselves Glitter (her) and Glam (me). We plan on getting bedazzled jackets and airbrushed t-shirts with our kick-ass new nick names emblazoned across them once we find a swapmeet out here that can provide such services.

Xoxo,

Glam

Time for "Ask KB"!

I'll get straight to it. A gal pal in DC sent me and a few other ladies an email requesting our advice. She is a single, 28-year-0ld fierce professional young lady who generally has her ish together. She is attractive and fit...and that is where her request for advice comes in.

Said pal shares my general guidelines of suitors to be very wary of: professional athletes, musicians, politicians, trainers, etc. You get the idea. These types are not strictly banned from consideration, but one must proceed with caution if you decide to date them.

So here's her question: should she date a trainer at her gym? Her boot camp instructor is hot and seemingly a very nice guy. Young (25) but has displayed mature characteristics: owns his own home, is at work (her gym) everyday at 5am, and when he speaks exudes a level of maturity beyond his years.

She never considered him as a potential suitor because of her guidelines above. But at a recent boot camp class one of the regulars (a "yenta" about 20 years her senior) suggested that said boot camp instructor and her would make an incredible couple. This yenta made the suggestion to him and said it just loud enough that my pal could hear it. She blushed and pretended to not hear it.

So she sends the email asking if she should pursue this potential hookup. Here's what I was thinking of telling her:

Pros:

1. Schedule similarity. They are both early to rise and early to bed in order to be up and ready to get it in at the gym. Therefore there wouldn't be the problem of scheduling dates, because both know they need to be turning in by 9/10pm. I know for me, it has been hard to date someone who doesn't have a similar schedule because "no, I can't meet you out for dinner/drinks and a hip-hop show at 9pm on a Tuesday because I can't sleep in til 11am like you, sir."

2. Physical fitness. They both hold exercise and healthy living (with the occasional over-imbibing on the weekends) as important parts of their lives and are both physically fit. Their kids would be guaranteed athletic scholarships to the college of their choice at birth. Said pal has broken up with folks in the past because they were lazy slugs that made fun of her healthy eating and "nazi" exercise regimen. Yes chile, her ex said that! She promptly kicked Mr. Chunky Mc Laze to the curb.

3. Lifestyle. Continuing with #2's theme, because both parties begin their days so early, they both (at least my gal pal does) must turn in early. Thereby decreasing the likelihood that dude is an irresponsible drunken fool that hangs at skeevy bars during the week picking up chicks. No guarantee on what he does with his weekend time, but during the week my money is on him turning in early.

4. He's good with kids. Dude teaches a "Fit Kidz" class 4x a week where he guides 3-7 year olds through various exercises while their desperate housewife mommies are in spinning class/pilates. I have to say there is nothing more attractive than a man who is good with kids. Especially one who doesn't have any of his own!

5. He sees her at 5:30 in the a.m. No makeup, bed hair, crappy workout gear, and half-asleep. My friend, like me, rarely leaves the house without her "face" on so the fact that he has seen the "real" her is definitely a plus. And especially since she makes it a point to run into him on her way out of the gym looking fierce in full hair/makeup on her way to work. He sees the au natural her, and the everyday wow version. All that to say if they do spend time together, there will be no surprises when he rolls over the morning after. Ha!

Cons:

1. He's a trainer. Even the yenta flirts with dude. But who can blame her? Trainers are known to be hot and they are in the unique position of seeing you in your most vulnerable state: no makeup, messy hair, breathing heavy, and sweating like a pig. It's a somewhat intimate relationship. Trainers have to touch their clients bodies and guide them through exercises...mmhmmm. You see the danger this occupation poses.

2. Youth. He may appear to be mature but she hasn't seen him with his friends. 25 is 25. And yes, he may be disciplined with his work schedule but she doesn't know if he's out tipping cows and slaying skeezy chicks when he's off the clock. Sad, but true.

I'm thinking of telling her that she shouldn't completely shoot down the idea of the hookup, but let him pursue her. Or rather, let the yenta do what she does best: meddle.

KelleBelle

Koast to Koast with KB

Hi my lovelies!

I am coming off a whirlwind series of trips spanning the country. I cannot wait until this weekend. Finally, I'll be at home and I have zero plans besides snuggling with Kingston and catching up on TV I have missed.

As I mentioned before, I went home to So Cal the weekend before last to celebrate my birthday with my besties and Mama Belle ("MB"). Here's a summary of my trip:

Saturday: Arrived in LA at 9:30am and went straight to the nail shop for mani/pedi's with MB. Then home to spend final bonding time with Chester, my ailing beloved dog of 15 years, followed by a sad trip to the vet to say our final goodbye. Mama Belle really should have done this weeks ago but she wanted me to see him one more time before he was put out of his misery. It was for the best, and after the vet, MB and I walked down to the beach and reflected on our 15 years with him. Then we went home and I went to bed at 8:30pm and slept for 11 hours! Amazing.

Sunday: Boot camp class at my old gym, then birthday brunch at my house! Was the best!! MB made the most slammin' brunch spread ever and I believe I consumed an entire XXL size bottle of champagne (who needs orange juice?) by 4pm. Around 6pm one of my college buddies and I went down to the pier and ended up at a fun bar...where I met a cutie in betwixt taking birthday shots with fools from high school. Silly, but incredibly fun.

Monday: Rain soaked southern cal so I took it high school style and hung out at the mall with said cutie. Had a ball and concluded the day with a fabulous authentic Mexican dinner, complete with the best margaritas I've had since Cancun '07. Went home, hung with mama belle, packed my bags, and hopped on my plane at midnight. Slid into Pittsburgh at 10am Tuesday and went straight to the office. Work.

One of the disappointments with my trip home was that my bff Elaine and her daughter La-La missed their flight to LA from New York and couldn't get on another flight. She really needed this vacation and mama belle pulled out all the stops to welcome the two lovely ladies to casa de belle. She even hit up her bootleg hookup on crenshaw blvd. and got mad dvd's for La (Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Princess and the Frog, etc.). I was so very sad because if anyone deserves a vacation and some sunshine it was Elaine. And the birthday brunch was supposed to be for the both of us, as her birthday follows closely after mine. But I had to tell her that although it was unfortunate she couldn't make the trip, there must be a "reason" (as corny as that sounds) that she couldn't make the trip.

Well reason, meet KelleBelle. One of the main reasons Elaine wanted to go to LA was to meet her new niece/nephew. You see, her brother Bob lives in LA and was expecting his first child the day before we were to arrive in LA. Guess what? That baby didn't arrive until two days after Elaine would have left LA anyway! So she is now going to LA next week to meet her new niece!

On to the next coast.

Upon returning to Pittsburgh, I chatted on the telly with Elaine. I told her that since she missed the birthday brunch we should do something special for her birthday. She mentioned she hadn't had a birthday party in 10 years. Chile, that's all I had to hear. Before she could confirm her desire for a party I was already mentally planning the menu. The next day I created two versions of an Evite and told her to get ready, because the party is coming to her!

So last friday night there I was in my kitchen, feverishly baking a birthday cake, two dozen cupcakes, and assembling appetizers in my cooler. Grinning like a fool all the while. You know this is my joy! Up at 6am on Saturday, I hit the road at 7am and arrived in Brooklyn, NY around 1pm. After a stop at the liquor store and flower shop, I was in full party planning mode and turned her apartment into "Suite 457" - the hottest club on the block!

We had a friggin' ball honey and everyone loved the cocktails, appetizers, cake, oh and did I mention the tower of cupcakes adorned with "E" in various colors of frosting? This is not a game. Since I don't have a large squad of friends (yet!) in the 'Burgh I have been feening to get my hostessing game on. And for Elaine? I'd travel to the other side of the moon to honor her.

I hit the road early Sunday morning (reeking of alcohol and love!) and got back to the crib around 4pm. Passed out at 9pm and was up at 5am Monday to begin the week as usual.

A friend mentioned she's having a party in DC this weekend...I thought about it briefly, and then looked at Kingston who had the phone book open to Children's Protective Services. I suppose I should stop leaving him before he gets taken away. :)

Smooches!

KelleBelle

Twenty-Fine!

Kittens,

Today is my birthday.

As you know, KB prefers to bake birthday cakes and throw parties for other folk's birthdays...and would rather keep it moving on my birthday as if it was just another day. Of course, the annual sipping of pink champagne will definitely happen, but besides that I really don't think birthdays are that big of a deal. Especially this one.

Today, I turn 29 years of age. I thought 30 was the big birthday to get all hyped about? Well, at least the majority of my b's did. Chile, these broads lost their minds with the grand parties and vacations to commemorate them...living on earth for 3 decades. To quote my favorite host on The View, Joy Behar, "Who cares? So whaat?" I mean really, I honestly don't look at birthdays as this monumental occasion/excuse to party like a rockstar. Perhaps that's because I feel like everyday is a celebration! Real talk. I have amazing friends/family, HD TV is awesome, my booty has never been firmer, my job is the bee's knees, and Kingston is growing more fur on his head. Everyday is like my birthday! If there were more hours in the day I'd go out and dance, drink, and celebrate life every night.

So back to today. I'm in high spirits as I am known to be in. Minding my business as I am known to do. I walk into the office and begin to start my day. One by one my co-workers come in and wish me a happy birthday. Two were especially annoying.

Well wisher #1 is a new co-worker who would be considered cute in the white world, is single, and somewhat "hip."

Him: "Happy Birthday, birthday girl! So how are you feeling about 29 and almost out of your twenties?"

Me: "Um, I really don't make a big deal out of it. Just a number."

Him: "Really? I'm 33 and I loathed turning 30. I just wanted to sit in a dark room and hide."

Me: "Are you serious? I thought only girls get that dramatic. No offense."

Well wisher #2 is my favorite co-worker who is my mom's age and on her 2nd husband after a failed first marriage in her 20s.

Her: "Happy Birthday! Did I just hear (co-worker #1) say he was 33? He's single, right? Anyway, you know I didn't marry my current husband until I was 35. So there's still hope."

Me: [I get out of my chair, stand in the middle of my office, put my hand to my forehead and wipe the imaginary sweat away in dramatic fashion] "PHEW! I was really getting worried!"

Womp womp.

Then I hop on Gchat and one of my besties says, "Happy Birthday! You better make this a good year! Last year of your twenties!"

Barf.

Thanks for the reminder. It's in the same vein as those jagoffs that send New Year's greeting texts that say, "Happy New Year! Okay, let's get it! This is our year!"

What does that even mean? And unlike my bestie, the "Let's get it!" text senders are monumentally underachieving individuals. Thank you sir for reminding me to be productive in 2010. Had you not sent the text instructing me to do so, I would have quit my job, stopped paying taxes, acquire an addiction, and suck off the government/society's teet for the rest of my existence.

Anywhether, thanks for all the well wishes. I am so very excited to be going home to La-La land this weekend and relax with mama belle and a few besties from law school. While I am still lurving the 'Burgh, a girl needs some sun and sand every now and then. Nahmean? ;)

Smooches!

KelleBelle

[Ed. Note: Many thanks to Mr. "Weezy F. I got a lot of babies" for inspiring the above T-shirt, which perfectly captures my feelings towards birthdays and life in general. Well done sir, well done. ]

How to Survive the Holidays, the J&K way

Picture it: Christmas 2009. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

I'm alone in a new city, and there is ice and snow on the roads. My alarm wakes me at 6:30 am. I'm up early not to see what that fat bastard with the beard brought me (I'm certain he would have left me coal...and maybe some airplane sized bottles of booze to ease the pain), but to get ready for my own version of America's Next Top Model - the Geriatric edition. Yes chile, KB volunteered at a convalescent home Christmas morning. My task? Well, I'm glad you asked.

It was my job to get the residents "dolled up" for their holiday party and family visits. I must admit, I am not the best with the elderly population. I mean really really elderly people, that usually have health problems and are not fully functional. However, for whatever reason this project just seemed too good to pass up, despite my reservations. So off I went at 9am in full hair & makeup in a fierce red dress (with leopard print pumps of course) to the retirement home.

Honey, let me tell you...I met KelleBelle at 90! Her name is Irene (I call her "Reenie") and she is F-i-e-r-c-e. After I did her hair and makeup ("not too much rouge, I don't want to look like a floosie") it was time for nails. Reenie let me know that she sits with a lovely group of gentlemen everyday at dinner and tonight she was going to flash her "fancy fingernails" to the men and show off her gorgeous hands. Love her! She told me that she was married once, and her husband had long since passed, so she was very happy that she was assigned to her dining room table where she is the sole woman. "Why sit with women? I can sit with them anytime I want." Work.

The other residents were just as lovely (there was one scare when someone who was not "all there" took a nail polish remover bottle and almost drank it - I snatched it before she could take a sip) and it really made me get over my fear of the sick and elderly. And when I left those residents were ready for the AARP fall fashion runway. The event was such a hit they asked me to come back on a regular basis. Yay-man!

As I left the home, I was bursting with joy and was overwhelmed with a feeling of well, just good old fashioned happiness. After a lovely afternoon at a friend's family's house (where I got tipsy with his 85 year old grandma - awesome) I went home, did laundry, saw Precious (eh), chatted with mama belle and brother belle on the phone, and went to bed, completely content.

On Sunday I volunteered at a soup kitchen...chile had I known the volunteers go drinking afterwards and watch the Steelers game, I'da volunteered long time ago! Real talk.

Best. Christmas. Ever. Yes, I didn't see my family/old friends, but I still had a fantastic, fulfilling, happy time. From now on I am going to volunteer every holiday season. Especially if I can't go home.

So now Christmas is over and the anti-climactic of all anti-climactic events is upon us: New Year's Eve. Ugh and a half. I was beginning to feel blue as the day slowly approaches...I bought a super cute top/dress just in case I found something to do, but it wasn't looking good. There are parties going on but I have no one to go with as all of my friends in the 'Burgh are either not from here so they are home for the holidays or they will be working (DJ's deejaying, bartenders bartending, etc).

I began to make peace with the fact that I will likely go to work, come home, walk Kingston, and go to bed at 10pm, just like any other day. Boo! Then I remembered one NYE in Philly where I helped out a promoter buddy of mine at the club he was throwing a party at. I was the "guest list girl" and checked people off as they came into the party. It was the best! I still got to dress up, toast at midnight, party til 3, and went home with a couple hundred bucks. That's what I'm talkin' bout! Last year I greeted the new year miserable and out a few hundred bucks and I'll be damned if I repeat that mistake again.

So I asked one of my DJ friends if he knew of anyone/anywhere that needed some guestlist/door help on NYE since I had nothing to do. Turns out he needs help at his two gigs! All of the people who previously said they would assist him were drunk and when they sobered up reneged on their offer. He called me his lifesaver and I am now officially excited for NYE. Not only do I get to dress up and go to two events I wanted to attend anyway, I'll be able to help my buddy and go home with a lil change in my pocket.

And the church said, "Yay-men!"

Kids, this is likely my last post in 2009. I wanted to leave ya with the above stories to let you know that when life gives ya lemons...make lemonade. And add some vodka.

Have a great new years and I'll see you b's in 2010!

Smooches,

KelleBelle

Baby Makin' Music

One of my male bff's in Philly, "Mayo", and I were chatting about our respective "sexin'" CDs. Or in his words, his "Sackville" album. My playlist is aptly titled, "Business Time", as an ode to Flight of the Concords (if ya don't know - google and get with it).

Besides the usual joints (Sade, Janet, ToniToneTony (the last 4 minutes of "Anniversary" is the BEST), Jodeci, Mary, Marvin, etc.) we traded our more recent additions to the makeout mix: Trey Songz, Amerie, and so on.

But the conversation got interesting when we both admitted neither of us have played our makeout mixes as they were intended: with someone else in the room.

What in the ef? Mayo and I are both good catches (if I do say so myself) yet we haven't had the opportunity to get down to "business" in far too long. I asked him, "how is my love life gon' be in a recession?" Can it get a job please? State assistance? Somethin'.

For 2010 I'm hoping, like the economy, my love life will make a comeback. In the spirit of, "If you build it they will come" (get your mind out the gutter), help me make a new love playlist for the new year and post your song recs in the comments section. Consider it your first "mazel" of 2010.

Smooches,

KB

Kawfee Tawk with your host KB

Peeps were all a chatter at the coffee station today at work. News stories emerged over the holiday break that really piqued people's interest. A few have been the topic of discussion on this show. Have a read and discuss amongst yaselves.

1. Be careful who your jumpoff is.

http://jakeandkelly.blogspot.com/2009/07/random-thoughts.html

Chile, as soon as the news broke that Tiger Woods ran his car into a tree and a fire hydrant at 2:30 in the a.m., and his wife busted a window with a golf club, my mom and I looked at each other and said, "Mmmhmmm...he cheated!" I didn't buy that "she broke the window to help him get out of the car" line for a milisecond. Unless the car was submerged underwater, there is no circumstance besides being a pissed-off-Angela-Basset-in-Waiting-to-Exhale-scorned-wife that would cause that woman to break the car window. With a golf club.

2. Why'd they have to be black?

http://jakeandkelly.blogspot.com/2009/11/whyd-they-have-to-be-fill-in.html

a. When news reports emerged about a couple of party crashers at President Obama's first state dinner, I said my prayer, "Dear God, please don't let these crashers be black. Please!" Well, God heard me because the tacky fame whore of a couple are whiter than christmas. Phew!

b. A horrible tragedy occured in Washington State on Sunday, when four police officers were gunned down in cold blood by an ex-con. I still do not understand why he was not in prison. He was recently arrested for punching a sherrif's deputy in the face and is about to be or was recently prosecuted for child rape. What in the ef was he doing walking the streets?

I didn't say the prayer but was disappointed to see the culprit. A brotha. And man he really should have been in prison. His rap sheet is ridiculous. He should be in prison for his current criminal activity, but also, a very lengthy prison sentence he received at the age of 17 in 1989 was commuted by then Governor Mike Huckabee. Big mistake. Huge.

And ps: Mr. Huckabee, you really need to fire your spokesperson or whomever put the following statement on your website: "Should he be found to be responsible for this horrible tragedy, it will be the result of a series of failures in the criminal justice system in both Arkansas and Washington State." Um, you just called yourself a failure. Good luck with that 2012 presidential bid.

Self-Reflection through Judd Apatow

I know what you're thinking. What in hells bells does the writer/director of such hilarious jag-off (Pittsburgh talk for jackass) films as "The 40-Year-Old Virgin", "Pineapple Express", and "Knocked Up" have to do with self-reflection? Well, I'm about to tell ya.

Picture it: this afternoon, in my office. I stream NPR while I'm working for background noise (and of course news, information, and entertainment) and after I played all of today's current programs, I played a segment from "Fresh Air" that originally aired a couple of weeks ago. Judd was interviewed about his latest film, "Funny People", that is about to be released on DVD. So they're chatting about how true-to-life the film is - it's about a very lonely and somewhat depressed mega-star comedian that finds out he has a terminal illness and embarks on a journey of self-reflection (whilst nailing groupies and mentoring an up-and-coming comedian played by Seth Rogan).

Terry Gross, the host of "Fresh Air", asked Judd if he is lonely in real life like the character in the film portrayed by Adam Sandler. Judd (who has known Adam for years - they were roommates in LA when they both started out in their 20s) said Adam used to do this thing when they lived together where he would bring a chair into his bedroom and tell Judd to sit down and talk to him while he tried to fall asleep. He did this because he didn't want to be alone right up until the moment that he fell asleep.

He said Adam grew out of this need but he himself didn't. He explained that he does something similar to keep from being alone at night - he downloads all sorts of NPR programs onto his ipod and listens to them as he falls asleep because he needs another voice to fill his head in order to drown out his own voice/thoughts and keep him company as he tries to fall asleep.

I do the same thing! I know some folks play music softly or have white noise machines but I need to hear actual people talking for me to feel comfortable and be able to fall asleep. I used to always have the TV on (mama belle can't fall asleep without it on - thank goodness for the sleep timer) until my doctor in Philly a few years ago advised me not to have a TV in my bedroom and I haven't had one in there since. So the NPR app on my iphone was heaven sent. I listen to Morning Edition while I get dressed, and download all sorts of programs at night to listen to as I fall asleep.

I can't believe it took Judd Apatow to make me realize what my NPR bedtime stories really are: a substitute for a companion. I have struggled with sleep problems for years and I've always known the only natural (non-medication) cure: another body! I sleep like a baby when I have a beau to share the bed with. Unfortunately, Kingston does not provide the same security and companionship as a human male. Actually, he's kind of a jerky sleeper. He snuck into my bed the other night and I only realized he was in there because I almost fell off the bed - that jerk pushed me to the side so he could get more comfortable in the middle of my huge bed.

Meanwhile, I'm quite cross with all of the doctors, sleep therapists, etc. that over the years have never come close to the enlightening observation that I discovered today.

Mr. Apatow, a tip of my hat.

-KB

(Ed. Note: I found the above lightbulb picture on a blog called "Kellifornia Dreaming". I'm totally biting that title and am mad at myself for not coming up with it!)