5 Reasons Jake and Kelly are not going to the Inauguration

I'm home waiting for the cable guy and scantily clad in case he's as cute as the last guy.

While I wait, Jake and I are chatting away on gmail. The topic? Our plans to attend the inauguration. I'm still on the fence - the majority of our friends are going, but it is really becoming a hassle. As we normally do, we talked it out and decided to whip up a post, each listing 5 reasons why we ain't goin'. I'll let Jake go first:

Kellebelle, maybe it's true what we have been saying privately to each other all along: we are the only ones with any bloody sense. I too shant be attending any inaugerational activities in D.C. Let me count down all the reasons why for you and anyone out there who visits this thing we call a blog:

5. I hate D.C. Everyone knows that about me. I don't like the idea of a city not being a part of a state. Also, I once had a friend who was gay bashed there…in the gayborhood. Something isn't right about that place.

4. It's cold outside. January 20? Hell to the hell to the HELL NAWWW. I am supposed to trek alls the way down to DC, fight the crowds and then stand in the cold? I just had palpitations at the thought.

3. I missed the prequel: the million man march.

2. I am slightly sick of Barack Obama. Sick, sick, sick. Black or not, it's just been too much. Unless he is going to put a leotard on and dance with Michelle and Hilary by his side, I just can't do it. And, I swear he has been saying the same ish since winning the election as he did during the election. It's like chill out and keep it real. Who acts the same in an interview as they do once they have a job?

1. The revolution will be televised and in HD. Enough. Said. HD is so clear that really it's like being there. You will still be able to tell your kids I was there the day…

Jake, you are a mess. But I love you. Naturally, we have overlapping justifications (are you on your monthly too?! Samesies!) Here's my list:

5. My wallet would prefer not to be raped. A friend told me people are calling the actual inauguration passes "Golden tickets," and trying to hawk them for 5Gs. B please. The white house may soon be called the chocolate factory but it really isn't that serious.

Also, there are going to be sooo many people in DC, the thought of attempting to go to a bar, club, mcdonalds, the train, puts me off. There are going to be lines and inflated admission prices up the ying yang. And you know black folk don't know how to act. I foresee some lowbudget fights at the line and medium to high budget fights at the bar.

4. It's gonna be cold. The northwest is no southern cali, but it definitely is not as cold as the east. And I downsized my cold weather wardrobe when I made the move to the west coast from Philly so I'd have to go out and get all new uber cold weather gear. Which isn't a bad thing but there's just no time! I'm telling you I need an assistant. Maybe I can get one of the Diddy failures?

3. Too many folks. All of my friends from all different parts of my life (high school, college, law school, work, my stint in county, beauty school, etc.) are going and it will be hard to pick and choose who to spend time with and not hurt anyone's feelings. It's hard work being a diplomatic social butterfly.

2. It's all about the connects. And real talk: KB just don't got 'em or cares to use the few she has. I ain't calling nobody's assistant's cousin to get an invite to Oprah's ball. Although I bet the food is going to be ridic! I love that she just announced publicly that she could give a rip that she's tipping the scales at 2 hun. A black man is in the damn white house. If that ain't adequate reason to throw down with some greasy food and champagne on the regular, I don't know what is. Go 'head O.

1. Despite alladis, I'm still likely gonna go! Jake, I'll pick you up a t-shirt.

Meanwhile, the cable guy is here. Let's just say my crappy old sweatshirt and comfy yoga pants are back on.

Smooches!

KB and Jake