Dora Fierce?

Have y'all peeped the new Dora? I asked my two close friends with daughters that are Dora fans what they thought of the new look. I am disappointed with it to be honest. I mean, our children are already overwhelmed with the western concept/ideal of what is "pretty" - long straight hair, fair skin, thin, trendy clothes...blend in, look cute, and don't be unique or original. Sigh.

My friend Elaine showed the image of the new Dora to her daughter and this is what 4 year old LaLa had to say:

"She's pretty. The old Dora doesn't have earrings. This Dora [the new one] is the most pretty."

Double Sigh.

Elaine then asked me if I peeped the new Disney princess - who is Black. I'm impressed! Honestly, I'm just pleased her hair looks somewhat realistic and they didn't give her some Asian silky straight human hair for weaving in color #1B.

This picture actually doesn't do her hair justice - in this picture her hair is more curly than in the film. In the trailer you can see it is more straight, but at least they gave her some curls/tendrils to make her look more authentic.

See: http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/princessandthefrog/

Also, peep her shape in the trailer - is it just me or does she look more "athletic" than other Disney princesses? Her back looks a bit muscular and it looks great! Or maybe I'm just projecting. :)

Smooches!

KB

The Nerve!

This is an emergency post. I was not planning on writing about this series of events but I just had to.

Picture it: I played wingwoman on Saturday night for a couple of girlfriends. To make a long story short, there were 3 brothers: 1 lives in Seattle, and two live in South Carolina where they are originally from. The two brothers were in town visting and they all hung out with my girlfriends. I was the 3rd and my match was the brother that lived here. After the 5 of them had hung out a few times without me last week (due to work/other obligations I couldn't join), I finally joined the party Saturday night, reluctantly.

We all met up at a WACK club (par for the course in Seattle) and quickly decided to move it to my crib. We ended up having a great time chatting, laughing, drinking, hanging with the chief, etc. They left around 3am - mind you my normal bed time (insomnia notwithstanding) is around 9pm. I could barely keep my eyes open when they left.

As they were leaving I told my match that we should hang out in the future, and he agreed. (side note: he was cute enough and mildly amusing, but not that amazing.) About 5 minutes after they left I noticed the guys left their chief. I sent my girlfriend a text telling her to tell the guys the scoop and I received a phone call from my match not 2 minutes later. I asked him when he wanted to pick it up (another day), or I could drop it off the next day, as I was half-asleep and already in my pjs.

He then proceeded to drunkenly attempt to negotiate his way back up to my apartment. He wanted to keep the party going, just him and I.

I was not down for the following reasons: 1. I was exhausted. 2. I don't know him like that. 3. I'm not a horny 22 year old that can't resist an invite for a drunken makeout session. No thank you.

We hung up, I went to bed, and that's it. Then my friend asked me today if I heard from said dude. I said I didn't but I'd send him a text to see what's up. Here's the series of texts:

Me: Hey there...Your bros make it home okay?

Him: Yeah they did thanks for asking

Me: Good to hear. So you gonna come by and scoop your stuff?

Him: Naw may be another time could you put it up for me ?

Me: Sure. I wasn't suggesting you come today. I'll stash it.

Him: Cool thank you

Him: Hey you can go head and keep that i'm good

I was THIS close to replying with the smartest of smart ass replies, but I decided to be the mature adult in the situation and left it at that.

I emailed the above series of texts to my friend along with a note detailing my extreme distaste for this supposed "gentleman." She told me that he told her he was OFFENDED that I didn't want to kick it post 3am Saturday night. Are you mofo joking? I told her I was appalled and he needs to apologize to me asap as it will be a cold day in hell before I tolerate such fuckery.

Is KB overreacting here? Call me a traditionalist, but I think the above correspondence and series of events is incredibly rude and anything but gentlemanly.

My friend who recruited me as the 3rd and thought that this dude and I would be a good match is disappointed it didn't work out. She also in my opinion insinuated that there was miscommunication going on and it wasn't completly the dude's fault for being a jackass. I highly disagree.

I suppose I made out on top on this one: I got to keep the chief! ;)

Smooches,

KB

Barenaked Ladies

The locker room at my gym is anything but a relaxed, comfortable, calm environment for ladies to dress before and after their workout. For some reason, various women walk around buck naked, which is not my problem. My problem lies in their drying game. P.s.: These women are always the owners of haggard, sagging, wrinkly bodies who have NEVER heard of a bikini wax.

These broads will dry themselves with their towel in the middle of the locker room, often times lifting their leg up and really getting in there to make sure their uterus is completely dry. Fine. But when I am sitting on the bench next to you putting on my workout gear, please do not raise your leg and commence the extreme drying. I looked to the left the other day as I was putting on my running shoes, and BOOM! Bush city. YUCK. I literally shrieked and closed my eyes shut, trying to erase the image from my brain. No luck.

After that awful beaver run-in, I walked to the sink area to wash my hands. Dude, another broad fresh from the showers was in there, naked as a jaybird. She was drying her entire body with the hand dryer. I understand it when people use it to dry their hair, but if you are really trying to get your body completely dry, a hand dryer is not going to get it done. And you risking dislocating a hip joint to thrust your leg up on the wall and clean the lady region is horrifying, and dangerous.

These chicks need to loosen the purse strings and sign up for the gym's towel service. Or bring your own hair dryer and towel! Jeez, I'd buy them one if it would save my eyes from seeing their birth canals on the regular.

I don't trust gym locker room cleanliness so I refuse to get dressed/shower there. Luckily I live close to the gym so it's not a problem. But I am still forced to sometimes get dressed to work out there if I am coming from work. And that's when I run into the barenaked ladies.

I wonder if I anonymously post a print-out of this blog in the locker room those women will get the hint?

Doubt it.

Smooches,

KB

Domestic Science

I was enjoying a lovely early dinner on Friday with my main B in Seattle. As we noshed and took advantage of the happy hour specials at a swanky restaurant downtown, we couldn't help but notice the incredible number of black men and white women or white men and asian women that were similarly enjoying the $2 oysters and angus beef sliders (unfortunately for KB she had to settle on a full priced cocktail and water, as y'all know I do not eff with seafood or meat like that).
Anywho, said B and I were the only black women in the joint. My friend, who has lived in Seattle for 9 years told me that's just par for the course. I shrugged my shoulders and began to ponder the reasoning behind the one sided mixed race couple phenomenon. Is it self hate? Do some men (or women) date outside of their race because they feel unworthy, unattractive, or unwanted themselves? I'm biased, being a product of the unusual black woman/white man coupling, and having been raised by a mother who is not the biggest fan of mixed race couples (I can't blame her, given we were disowned by the white side...lots of pain there). I know a lot of black women who feel rejected/unwanted by black men who prefer non-black women. I wonder how Asian men feel?

Obviously, KB doesn't discriminate when it comes to her dating game. I actually met four (4) dudes on Wednesday night last week! What can I say, when it rains, it pours (no pun intended). Of the four, one was black, two white, and one asian. All tall, smart, funny, and cute! It's about mo-fo time. ;)

Anywho, we left the topic of mixed race couples and began talking about dating in general. I've noticed that a lot of my friends who are in relationships act much differently when they are playing the girlfriend/wife role versus their regular selves (either at work or at play sans the man). I mean, these are some ball-busting argumentative bossy lawyers and businesswomen, yet when it comes to domestic relations, they turn to passive, pleasing, sensitive, women folk. Basically Claire Huxtable without the sass or underlying air of equality, respect, and confidence. June Cleaver with a job, if you will.

Meanwhile, I'm single. Perhaps I should change my game up if/when I begin dating one (or more) of the four new dudes. Of course I could never chuck my power suits and trade them in for aprons, but in Seattle the men (native or not) seem to be scared of their own shadows so maybe I'll test out the new approach and see what happens.

I'll keep you updated.

Smooches!

KB

UPDATE: I had dinner with one of the four new jawns last night. I tried my best to be docile, sweet, coy, and tender. What a production! It was very hard to refrain from making witty comments and oddball quips...but I let him be the comedian. And I let him "school" me on recent legislation in WA regarding the chief (even though I knew about it and had my own analysis already thought out). I think it worked. I also showed him pictures of my cooking skills (between my brunch, superbowl party, and valentine's day extravaganza, you 'd think I was trying out for Top Chef). Dude is sold! Not sure if I am yet...hehe. We'll see. ;)

UPDATE 2: Dude came by on St. Paddy's day, as I mentioned I'd be baking that night. He left with a dozen green and white cupcakes, oh and two huge cookie bars (one with coconut, one without). Needless to say, he's hooked. ;)

What the Eff Wednesday (Malo Miercoles)

The last thing on my mind last night when I went to bed was the phrase: God is Good. Y'all know KelleBelle is a card carrying heathen, but for some reason that's all I could think about last night.

Today started out as a regular day: up at a quarter to 5 to walk Kingston, hit the gym, dressed for work, hopped in the whip and was on my way into the office when...

I witnessed the immediate aftermath of a horrible accident. A jogger was hit by the car in front of me. I thought the guy was dead. I've never seen a dead body before (knock the hell on wood). I freaked out. Then he slowly lifted his head from the road he was laying flat on...and all you could see was blood and I think some teeth and/or bone fragments. After making sure he was fine (I yelled at a helpful bystander - "Don't touch him! His neck may be broken!") and assured all necessary witnesses were there for the police to interview (I didn't actually see the moment of impact) I continued on my way to work.

I turned on my computer and hopped onto Gmail only to find out some bad news about a friend. Two words: lay-offs.

As I sat at my desk in silence I said a prayer for the injured jogger and my now jobless friend. I couldn't help but think about the phrase I kept repeating to myself last night: God is Good.

(For the record my life hasn't been all candy corn and cosmos, but I thank whoeva is up in the heavens for my blessings daily, son!)

The jogger will recover from his injuries, my friend will find another, even better gig, and life will go on.

Life...she's a crazy B!

Hugs and kisses y'all,

KB

Sleepless in Seattle

Despite the title of this post, I am not referring to my insomnia. I've actually been sleeping in my spare time, due to Seattle's lackluster social scene leaving few alternatives. At least when I'm asleep I can dream about cities with a pulse.

Back to the post's title, I'm referring to the personality of the city. In a word: Snooze.

I've been a resident of the Emerald City for 7 months. Beautiful yes, but that's about it. The people define passive aggressive. Actually, strike the agressive part. They're just passive. And it doesn't end with the people.

Even the weather is passive. Seattle has long been perceived as a city with constantly falling rain. Not true. It is "rainy" on occasion, but when it does "rain" it's not your throw-down, tapping on the rooftop, umbrella-worthy rain.

The rain itself is passive aggressive. It's like, make a decision! Either rain for real, or just quit it and let it be dry. My word.

I suppose I am just used to the direct, in-your-face, truth hurts honesty, style of the east coast. In Philly (or Boston or NYC) you know when it's raining. And you know when someone is interested in you, pissed at you, in love with you, or about to shoot you. Here, I would have no idea if someone adored me, was abhorred by me, or was about to do a drive-by.

Even the "gangsters" out here are passive. They'll chill with their victims first before pulling out a gun on the sly and shooting in a crowd, hoping to hit their target. Lame. If you're gonna do it, at least do it "break yo'self!" style a la Boyz 'N The Hood.

Okay, that venting session felt good. Thanks for listening guys! Now, please come visit me. The city needs some flavor desperately, and we all know if you are reading this here blog, you are fierrrce!

Smooches!

KB

The Label Maker

Picture it: you are in a steady, stable, committed relationship. You live together, share bank accounts, exchange bodily fluids on the regular, and his/her mother calls you when they cannot locate their offspring...but you are not married, nor are you engaged. You are also in your 30s.

Referring to your mate as "boyfriend" just seems juvenile. "Significant other" is stale, and "husband to be" seems a tad illusory.

So what do you refer to each other as? In a pinch for convenience (say for instance if the dry cleaner gives a discount to married couples) you refer to each other as husband/wife, or just to avoid any awkward, lengthy, unnecessary explanations of the status of your relationship.

I'm thinking "spousal equivalent" may be the best bet. That's what Joy Behar from The View refers to her live-in "boyfriend" Steve, who she has shared her life with for 25 years. Yes it sounds mechanical and a bit dry but it gets the job done.

If I was in the above scenario, I'd likely refer to my live-in beau as my steady d... Let me stop. This is a family friendly blog after all.

For the record, I think the whole idea of labels and caring what other folks think about your relationship is rubbish. The only label I care about is Chanel. Jokes! Y'all know I'm a Gucci girl.

Smooches!

KB

Happy Belated Black History Month

Real talk: since we have a Black President, isn't every month for the next four years a Black History Month? Maybe not. But I just made myself feel better for not doing a darn thing to celebrate BHM.

Not to be a negative Nelly, but this BHM was not the best, sans the Black Prez. Here's why:

1. Chris Brown and Rihanna became this millenium's Ike and Tina. Sigh.

2. The Octomom's babies daddy appears to be Black.

3. Lil' Kim was announced as part of the Dancing with the Stars cast. Dammit I thought we were done with her foolishness. Hopefully her partner won't drop her. Her face would never mold back to its original plastic model.

4. A woman's bright magenta weave made headlines for saving her life when her estranged boyfriend shot at her. Why must I cry?

5. Sherri Sheppard continues to serve as the bane of my existence, and humiliates all black people everyday by playing the role of simpleton on the View. I'm on the verge of starting a petition for her removal. Or immediate enrollment in a GED program. Or a "word of the day" calendar. Something. That child is almost as dimwitted as Bey, but without the performance skills or killer body.

6. Speaking of Sherri, her TV husband on 30 Rock, Tracy Morgan, played the role of simpleton off screen. His shark tank (that is NOT a typo) caused a fire (what?!) in mid-February that set off the sprinkler system in his apartment building, flooding his neighbor's homes. I can't and I won't.

Fight the Power!

KB

ps: I stole the BHM grocery store ad above from Thembi's blog: whatwouldthembido.com. She covered BHM brilliantly. Please do visit her site.