I was enjoying a lovely early dinner on Friday with my main B in Seattle. As we noshed and took advantage of the happy hour specials at a swanky restaurant downtown, we couldn't help but notice the incredible number of black men and white women or white men and asian women that were similarly enjoying the $2 oysters and angus beef sliders (unfortunately for KB she had to settle on a full priced cocktail and water, as y'all know I do not eff with seafood or meat like that).
Anywho, said B and I were the only black women in the joint. My friend, who has lived in Seattle for 9 years told me that's just par for the course. I shrugged my shoulders and began to ponder the reasoning behind the one sided mixed race couple phenomenon. Is it self hate? Do some men (or women) date outside of their race because they feel unworthy, unattractive, or unwanted themselves? I'm biased, being a product of the unusual black woman/white man coupling, and having been raised by a mother who is not the biggest fan of mixed race couples (I can't blame her, given we were disowned by the white side...lots of pain there). I know a lot of black women who feel rejected/unwanted by black men who prefer non-black women. I wonder how Asian men feel?
Obviously, KB doesn't discriminate when it comes to her dating game. I actually met four (4) dudes on Wednesday night last week! What can I say, when it rains, it pours (no pun intended). Of the four, one was black, two white, and one asian. All tall, smart, funny, and cute! It's about mo-fo time. ;)
Anywho, we left the topic of mixed race couples and began talking about dating in general. I've noticed that a lot of my friends who are in relationships act much differently when they are playing the girlfriend/wife role versus their regular selves (either at work or at play sans the man). I mean, these are some ball-busting argumentative bossy lawyers and businesswomen, yet when it comes to domestic relations, they turn to passive, pleasing, sensitive, women folk. Basically Claire Huxtable without the sass or underlying air of equality, respect, and confidence. June Cleaver with a job, if you will.
Meanwhile, I'm single. Perhaps I should change my game up if/when I begin dating one (or more) of the four new dudes. Of course I could never chuck my power suits and trade them in for aprons, but in Seattle the men (native or not) seem to be scared of their own shadows so maybe I'll test out the new approach and see what happens.
Anywho, said B and I were the only black women in the joint. My friend, who has lived in Seattle for 9 years told me that's just par for the course. I shrugged my shoulders and began to ponder the reasoning behind the one sided mixed race couple phenomenon. Is it self hate? Do some men (or women) date outside of their race because they feel unworthy, unattractive, or unwanted themselves? I'm biased, being a product of the unusual black woman/white man coupling, and having been raised by a mother who is not the biggest fan of mixed race couples (I can't blame her, given we were disowned by the white side...lots of pain there). I know a lot of black women who feel rejected/unwanted by black men who prefer non-black women. I wonder how Asian men feel?
Obviously, KB doesn't discriminate when it comes to her dating game. I actually met four (4) dudes on Wednesday night last week! What can I say, when it rains, it pours (no pun intended). Of the four, one was black, two white, and one asian. All tall, smart, funny, and cute! It's about mo-fo time. ;)
Anywho, we left the topic of mixed race couples and began talking about dating in general. I've noticed that a lot of my friends who are in relationships act much differently when they are playing the girlfriend/wife role versus their regular selves (either at work or at play sans the man). I mean, these are some ball-busting argumentative bossy lawyers and businesswomen, yet when it comes to domestic relations, they turn to passive, pleasing, sensitive, women folk. Basically Claire Huxtable without the sass or underlying air of equality, respect, and confidence. June Cleaver with a job, if you will.
Meanwhile, I'm single. Perhaps I should change my game up if/when I begin dating one (or more) of the four new dudes. Of course I could never chuck my power suits and trade them in for aprons, but in Seattle the men (native or not) seem to be scared of their own shadows so maybe I'll test out the new approach and see what happens.
I'll keep you updated.
Smooches!
KB
UPDATE: I had dinner with one of the four new jawns last night. I tried my best to be docile, sweet, coy, and tender. What a production! It was very hard to refrain from making witty comments and oddball quips...but I let him be the comedian. And I let him "school" me on recent legislation in WA regarding the chief (even though I knew about it and had my own analysis already thought out). I think it worked. I also showed him pictures of my cooking skills (between my brunch, superbowl party, and valentine's day extravaganza, you 'd think I was trying out for Top Chef). Dude is sold! Not sure if I am yet...hehe. We'll see. ;)
UPDATE 2: Dude came by on St. Paddy's day, as I mentioned I'd be baking that night. He left with a dozen green and white cupcakes, oh and two huge cookie bars (one with coconut, one without). Needless to say, he's hooked. ;)
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3 comments:
One of the bipolar bossy go-getter lawyer types here (my chilli is in the slow cooker and I'm picking up my man's dry cleaning later!) I understand your observation, but in our defense: we do what works, Kel! Aggression barely gets a man doing what you want; it's a complete turnoff to them. More flies with honey than vinegar and all that jazz. Plus, truth be told, it's exhausting being tough all the time. I LIKE it that the one place I can be soft and feeling is with my man.
Excellent comment! I think you mis-read the blog post though. I wasn't saying some bossy women (um, I never said bi-polar!) are doormats for their men - they just become less aggressive and tend to their men's needs and what not.
And I said that may be the way to go! I was agreeing with that approach...or at least giving it more respect as I grow older...
Keep the comments coming - I appreciate your P.O.V.!
is dude who you mentioned as your new gentleman friend in later post? And I'm glad yall are reading steve harvey's new book lol ...a man shows his live through the three P's "profess, provide, protect"
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