Jake & Kelly Get Preggers

Jokes.

But in real news, a post on Essence.com brought up an old idea that W.E.B. Dubois first brought up in 1903. Basically the notion that successful, educated people (black women in particular) should procreate more. You can infer why.

Here's a snippet of the post:

http://www1.essence.com/relationships/men/articles/succesful_black_women_are_we_obligated_to_reproduce/

A curious idea was posed to me, and by extension, all Black women like me. A
woman, Dominique (not her real name), suggested that it was my duty as an
educated, sensible African-American woman to get married and procreate.

DUH!

I mean hello, who doesn't want to re-create the Obamas, the Huxtables, or the Winslow clan on Family Matters (save for Judy...yikes)?

My problem is the idea that we are obligated to reproduce. I think (as does Dorothy, who makes some great points in her comment to this post) the obligation should be to support our community, and not necessarily to get knocked up right this minute. I'd love to reproduce but since that isn't happening nan time soon I will support the children that are in existence right now.

Also, there is no guarantee that successful, educated parents will raise successful, educated children. And just because someone is not educated does not mean they will fail as a parent. Not at all.

However, I couldn't help but think about a recent conversation my mother and I had. She is with our family in North Carolina and Philly this week and of course she gave me the latest family drama report. One cousin is at the age of 37 a mother of 5 (I'm not going to say how many fathers, but it's more than one), grandmother of 3, and has never held a steady job. Which isn't surprising - she has been quite busy with all them kids, and TLC ain't handing out reality shows in the 'hood. Another cousin, who as a senior in high school, just had his second child...with a different girl than the mother of his first child, born earlier this year.

Meanwhile, my mother is grandchildless and her children are arguably the most successful of the bunch.

What in the ef.

My question is, if it's my "duty" to procreate and create a more well-rounded African-American community...does that mean I have to get knocked up by a black man? Have ya seen the statistics? What about a halfer like me? Or a very tan Mediterranean man? I can't give any guarantees, but I'll try my best. In the meantime, I'll stick to being a positive role model to young sisters and brothers (of any race) and breaking stereotypes along the way.

Smooches,

KB

Kulture Klash

As y'all know, KB can kick it with just about anybody. Growing up in a black household in a white neighborhood and being mistaken for hispanic or asian on the regular, I can pretty much roll with any squad and feel comfy.

But sometimes little things remind me of our differences.

Scenario #1: Diet.

I was at a lovely "young professionals" mixer on Wednesday and as we were noshing on the delectable veggies and dips, I mentioned to one of my kickball teammates (white woman) that I never knew of or ate hummus until I was a junior in college, where it was served at a reception.

She almost fell to the floor. "What?! You never had hummus until college? How is that possible?" After a somewhat awkward pause (on my part) I replied, "I was raised in a black household. We don't eat hummus." She twisted her face, thought about it, and said, "Oh okay, I see." And then we talked about it a bit and she mentioned that as a kid growing up in Detroit she noticed that black Muslims ate hummus, but she can't recall non-Muslim black folks gettin' in on the chickpea game.

Scenario #2: The club.

A friend of mine is in town this week and we went out on Monday night. First stop was a lovely jazz lounge where the crowd was oh say 60% black, 35% white, and 5% other. We had a great time and chatted with practically everyone there, accepted a few numbers (teehee), and listened to some great music.

Then we went to a "club" on the other side of town.

The crowd was about 90% white, 6% other, and 4% black. I counted the number of black folks: me, my girl, and two dudes that clearly were NOT there to talk to black girls. Which is fine, whatever floats your boat (and they were fug anyway). But what wasn't fine was the feeling that I often feel (and my dark chocolate girls feel more often so they tell me) when I go to a predominately white venue: invisibility.

I may get a quick stare or two, but rarely am I approached. Once in a while a brave (read: liquid courage) white soul will try to holler, but I usually have to make eye contact and give the green light to approach as if saying with my eyes, "Don't worry, I'm white-friendly and only mildly offensive." But I've seen my girls really feel awkward and put in a sour mood when they walk into a joint and feel as if no one is even acknowledging their presence. And let's be real: if you're single and go to the club, you're trying to holler or get hollered at. And whether we like it or not the fact is that the majority of people date inside of their race. (KB doesn't discriminate but I do tend to side with men with whom I don't have to explain the necessities of cocoa butter and hair grease.)

My DJ friend is having a big party tonight at a new club but I know what the deal is going to be...invisibility to the nth degree. Instead, my bff and I are going to stick to the plan and go to the lounge again where they are having a more chocolate friendly crowd.

I'd go to the other party and still have fun but I know already that my friend will not, and I want everyone in my squad to be nappy and happy.

Smooches!

KelleBelle