Bad Week for Black Daytime TV

Twenty bucks says Big Gay Al Reynolds is perusing the [gig] classified ads on criagslist right now.

Star Jones' show on TruTV (formerly Court TV) was cancelled. I have never seen the show in its entirety but I have done a few drive-bys while channel surfing. Eh. It was okay. Basically your typical pop-culture-and-the-law show. I don't see why it got canned and all those other snoooring legal analysis shows stay on the air. Maybe the gay mafia is to blame? She has been keeping Big Gay Al locked up at home and out of the scene lately. I hope she lands on her feet. She's quite smart and I was actually interested in what she had to say when she was on The View (although she pulled the "well when I was at the DA's office..." line one thousand too many times).

Speaking of The View. I realize now why I haven't been 100% satisfied with the current panel including Whoopi as the moderator and Sherri Shephard as the newest co-host. They both do not have the right balance of pop culture knowledge (and interest) coupled with the ability to debate and analyze serious substantive issues - a la politics.

Whoopi is clearly smart and knowledgeable about national and world issues, but seems like she could really give a rip about anything the gossip blogs or tabloids are currently focusing on. She admitted she did not know who Justin Timberlake was (or Britney Spears, I bet) before she joined the View. She's just not into that foolish, silly world of celebrity and pop-culture nonsense. She makes a valiant effort but her hearts not in it. And that's okay. Because I mean, she's Whoopi. She doesn't have to be into that pop-culture ridiculousness that we here at the Jake and Kelly Show love and live for.

Now, Sherri Shephard definitely is in that world. Did she go to college? Or get her GED? Her steeze is to sample "Betty Sue's world famous chili!", do stupid giveaways, chime in when there's a child-rearing or God issue (where she usually embarrasses herself and all Christians) and say over and over how she was seriously going to kill her cheating husband. Yes, but what have you done for me lately? She's all fluff. There's no there there. She makes the occassional funny quip, but eh, I could really do without her. And when it comes to real issues? Deer in headlights central. She remains silent until there's a chance for her to make some semi-funny comment (usually with a black woman neck/eye roll, sigh) and then she patiently waits for the the subject to turn to something more idiot friendly. Well friends, I now have proof to confirm my suspicions. Word just came out that Sherri had to rush and register because...the b has never voted! Ever! Check out the following statement:

"On The View this morning, Sherri Shepherd recounted her close call of almost missing the cutoff for registering to vote via absentee ballot for the election in November. (Shepherd resides in New York, but is a California resident.) And apparently this is the first time that Sherri will be voting...ever! Having turned 18 in 1985, the now-41-year-old has missed out on the past five presidential elections because she 'never knew the dates or anything.' She said it was important to vote in this one, though, because otherwise, she wouldn't have a right to complain on The View about whomever is elected for an entire year. (She probably meant to say 'four years.')" - Crunk and Disorderly

I think Sheryl Lee Ralph would've been a much better co-host! She is a better combo of world issues/pop-culture and she's fabulous! I'd even take Gayle. But I suppose being Oprah's bff is a pretty demanding gig. Ah well. A girl can dream...

And to round out the bad week for Black Daytime TV, The Montel Williams show has been cancelled after 17 seasons.

And right before Black History Month! That ain't right. Y'all, when you're chuggin a brewski on Superbowl Sunday, pour a lil out for the fallen black stars of daytime TV.

Smooches!

KB

A Quickie with KelleBelle

Calm it down hornballs. I only have 2 and a half minutes to spare (I spent the remaining 7 and a half minutes of my break watching the tail-end of The Soup and visiting with mum and the doggies) so here are a few quick items I would otherwise dedicate more time to if I wasn't in this hell called study mode. Read at your leisure, and as always, "discuss":

1. "Cute white boys are droppin' like flies" - Thembi

First, the cute as a button child star from "The Client", Brad Renfro, was found dead of an apparent overdose. At just 25 years old, his long-time struggle with drugs and alcohol was wide-known. Then Heath Ledger, 28, was found dead on Tuesday, and the cause is still unknown, however sleeping pills and other medications were found near his body. Both great actors, cute white boys, and gone way way before their time. Then, inbetwixt their deaths, footage of Amy Winehouse smoking crack this weekend hit the net.

Yo. Cut the bull-sh*t! It's time to churn out some all new After-School Specials, STAT!!! (I'm sure the WGA will provide a waiver.)

What the hell is going on? I realize drugs and alcohol are nothing new to the showbiz set, but the attitude surrounding these events (that they are newswothy, but the behavior is acceptable, or at least tolerated) have made me quite uneasy about where pop culture is heading (or where we're currently at). I'm happy that Celebrity Rehab has started airing. That ish is real (I honestly don't predict any residents will make a full recovery but at least the attempts seem genuine) and shows the ugly reality of addiction. Not so cute! Every starlet should be forced to watch.

But then on the other hand you have every news station (even the Tennis Channel dude. The world is ending! Paul Mooney said it first!) covering the latest "Britney" sighting and it's just sending the worst mixed signals. Everyone is just waiting for her to drive off a cliff, o.d., or something else horrible. If they really wanted her to make a comeback they'd stop giving in to her need for that toxic (excuse the pun) attention. Sigh. Maybe now that I'm back in LA I'm more sensitive to this ish? Or not. I'll get over myself now.

ps: I was kidding about the Tennis Channel.

2. Is KelleBelle a Heathen, a Hypocrite, or a Whore?

All 3! Jokes. I'm totally not a hypocrite. Sike! (See what I did there?) Ask my last date if I'm the latter of the 3, and he'll definitely reply in a salty tone that I am nowhere near a whore. lol. (Sorry buddy! Just cuz ya bought me dinner...don't mean I owe ya nathan but a hiiigh five! And a peck on the cheek).

But back to the matter at hand. I was at my spinning class today and a country-western song came on by the Dixie Chicks. I'm a fan of the group but this song was a bit too much. I don't recall all of the lyrics but the chorus definitely included "Jesus Christ" somethin' somethin'. When I heard it I literally looked up at myself in the mirror and thought, did they just say...? And then the chorus replayed. Yup, JC all over that b.

I don't know if I was more offended by the uber religious tone of the song or the incredibly annoying twang of the banjo that was playing at super speed. Before I could answer that question I caught myself. Why is it that when a song uses all sorts of misogyny and profanity and b this and b that I'm cool as a cucumber? (not just rap, people -- "Smack my Bitch Up" by Prodigy is a guilty pleasure of mine and great for the gym) But yet these lovely southern belles say something or other about J. Christo and I'm up in arms, about to bring a constitutional law claim against 24 Hour fitness. Clearly I have been studying too long. Anyone else feel me on this? (all my lawyer buds better not even think about posting a comment about the validity of any constitutional claim.)

Anywho, that was way more than my alloted time but y'all are worth it.

Smooches!

KelleBelle

Beards, Merkins, and Murphy, oh my!

With the recent sudden split of Eddie Murphy and Beard extraordinaire Tracy Edmonds (after a commendable 14 days of fake wedded bliss), the term "Beard" has been a frequent topic of discussion. To my surprise, a number of my close friends were not familiar with the term. I have to say most of them did not grow up in American households so I gave the majority of the ig'nant ones a pass...except for one friend who is a Seinfeld die-hard (like me). She gets no pass -- there was an episode where Elaine was a beard and subsequently tried to convert her gay to come over to "our team." The episode was actually entitled "The Beard."

So to inform our readers out there who are still unsure what the term Beard means (let alone Merkin -- who knew?!) I have listed the definition below, taken from Wikipedia (of course):

"In gay slang, a beard is a companion of the opposite sex used to hide a homosexual's sexuality by appearing in public as if the two were a heterosexual couple. The term originated in the mid-1960s[citation needed] and is derived from the notion that a man with a woman on his arm looks more masculine, like a man with a beard. A male companion who accompanies a lesbian is sometimes called a merkin.

In the early years of the gay rights movement, some homophile organizations required members to bring beards with them to meetings, for protection in case the police raided the meeting.[citation needed]

Closeted gay men and lesbians may also take part in this kind of relationship to their mutual advantage. In the past many gay men and lesbians married in order to fit in with heterosexual society; this practice continues today, but less frequently in many countries (particularly in the developed world) where the society has become more accepting of "out" gay men and lesbians.
In the 1920s this type of union was sometimes referred to as a lavender marriage.

This term should not be confused with fag hag."

Famous examples of gays and their beards*:

So...who can give examples of Merkins?

*The Jake and Kelly show is strictly for entertainment purposes. The statements made herein should not be taken as fact. Hear that Scientologists?! Please don't come after me.

KelleBelle goes Hollywood on your asses!

Hello my lovelies!!!

Lord knows where in the hail Jake is, but KelleBelle done moved back to Cali! I am writing you from my house at the beach! Quick question: why in hells bells did KelleBelle ever leave sunny CA? Oh wait, to go to school in that horrid, unstylish, colder than a witches' balls, segregated city called Boston. Then off to Philly for a couple years to get my feet wet in this whole lawyer game and to sow my royal oats. Now, I lurrrve me some Philly and miss my dear friends immensely. But my goodness am I happy to be home! Here are a few reasons why(skipping the obvious: my moms, my friends, my home, etc.) as well as a few downers:


1. Duh, the weather! Like I said, I'm from the beach area and I start almost everyday with a jog on the beach. Did I mention it's January? Yes, chile. Even trips to the gym are sooo much more enjoyable here, and not just because there is a smorgasbord of hotties at the gym at all times (I almost fell off the stairmaster yesterday staring at a young Adonis doing push-ups...yum!). I can just get up and go to the friggin gym! No layering of sweats over workout clothes, then a jacket, then gloves, all to just strip off at the gym and then pile back on post workout. Ugh! (ps: the pic above was taken down the street from my house!)


2. Attitude. Peeps were mad jerky in Boston/Cambridge but I attributed their stankness to being in such a sucky, perpetually behind the style/music times, brutally cold area. But what is up with the attitudes in Philly? It's not even the attitude that New Yorkers give me which is just universally rude and in a constant state of annoyance. Philly peeps (specifically those in customer service/retail sales) were so stank it was ridiculous. Always complaining. Like I made them drop out of CCP and work the late shift at Rite Aid to support their tattoo habit. Buck up! Out here, peeps are sooo nice and peppy! Of course there are jerks everywhere, but all I know is when I go to my neighborhood grocery store (I've always loved the sprawling grocery stores out here too -- they're so big and pretty I can spend days perusing the aisles) I am greeted by everyone with a sunny "Hi!" and everyone seems to be genuinely happy to help me if I need it.


3. Mens. Since I left (back in 2002), whenever I came home for a visit I would almost always meet a dude that I would actually consider dating if we lived in the same city. (If you've been keeping tally, KelleBelle has yet to have a real boyfriend -- jumpoffs do NOT count! -- since her first year in law school.) I mean someone who I could possibly write home about. Okay okay I've met a few dudes on the east coast that under different circumstances I would date seriously but those were very rare occasions (I count one...maybe two). I'm not saying there aren't quality dudes in Philly but it just never happened for me. But out here I have never had a problem meeting a guy that actually has a steady job (appropriate for his age) and is a responsible adult (not to mention taller than me). I'm not saying I've met the "one" out here, but at least there appears to be a wider pool of potentials...

Downers:

1. Traffic. It's a b. It takes twice (at a minimum) the amount of time to get anywhere because there are so many folks on the road. But honestly I can't blame them! I see why so many folks flock here (see above).


2. The vast expanse that is "LA". There is no central part of LA that is a good meeting point for my crew. Everyone lives, works, and shops all over the damn place. So it is such a chore to coordinate nights out...and oh yeah forget about drinking a lot, lest you get saddled with a nice lil DUI. Unlike Philly, you can't just hop in a cab and get home for $5. Here that cab ride will likely be around $50 if you can even get a cab. Oh and last call is usually around 1:30am too. Boo!



3. No one is from here anymore. People stare at me like I'm some kind of alien (no pun intended) when I say I grew up here. Yes, some folks actually are born and raised in LA! Not everyone is from Wyoming like you and finds every bar on Sunset blvd exciting and impressive! Yawn.



4. It's not Philly.

Jake, get your arse out here so we can have a Thin Line Hollywood edition!

KelleBelle