Size Queen

No, no, not that size. And yes, KB (and I believe Jake as well) is definitely a size queen in that regard.

But I'm referring to the super-size nature of American culture. I was having a great girl-chat session with my buddy Andrew (see his amazingly personal and interesting blog/diary at andrewwnichols.blogspot.com) last week and he asked me what I thought caused the mortgage/financial crisis. I said simply, greed. Not just by the bankers, investors, and all of dem. I'm referring to American's "need" for the grandiose: the Hummer, the huge house that you don't need, the fancy car you can't afford, the purses, the "poppin' bottles", all of that excess.

Andrew, a new homeowner, mentioned that he was approved for a loan in the range of $300,000 and was encouraged by his real estate agent to look for a bigger piece of property than what he eventually settled on. He declined, and instead bought a small place that fit his lifestyle perfectly - and was "only" $135,000 - less than half of what he could have bought. I immediately chided the real estate agent for the prodding of Andrew - of course she/he would encourage him to buy a bigger house. The higher the purchase price, the higher their commission.

I think more people should be like Andrew and not take out the maximum line of credit - for a credit card, mortgage, student loan, etc. Live within your means - actually, live below your means. I have to say this was a hard lesson for me to learn - after all, I was raised in LA where people would drive their fancy Mercedes Benz's and Lexi all over town...and park it in the garage (or on the street) of a down trodden one-bedroom apartment in the hood. It was all about image and keeping up with those fuckers the Jones'. My mama waited until she was retired and stacked her chips before she finally got her Benz. Growing up we never had a fancy car or wore designer labels (Slauson swapmeet holler!) but we lived in a nice house in a safe neighborhood.

I had a friend at USC who spent $4000 on a Dior purse and lived in her grandma's converted garage in Compton. Huh? Meanwhile, ya girl KB rocked her Nine West clutch and Steve Maddens...and lived in a spacious apartment near campus. Years later in Philly, I tried to dissuade a friend from buying a 4-story house. Why did a single woman who travelled frequently need such a grand home? I suppose she wanted it because she could have it. So she did. I believe it has been on the market now for over a year...

Even folks are super-sizing their families! Who on earth needs (or can support) 18 kids? Or 8? Someone please stop the madness.

I'm not saying I'm the black Suzie Orman, but I think my priorities in terms of spending are somewhat intact.

Off to H&M for some discount shopping and then I'm catching a matinee (bringing my own snacks of course - healthier and incredibly cheaper than the $13 medium sized popcorn).

Xoxo,

KB

Lessons Learned from Miche--- wait, Barack!

I was trying my absolute best to not write about an "article" that has been flying around the black-post-secondary-education world, but alas, I must give in and address some of the melee the piece has produced.

When one of my main b's forwarded the piece I couldn't help but take a heavy sigh and roll my eyes. The piece is about lessons single black women can learn from Michelle Obama. I know, snooze! In my opinion the piece didn't address any new ideas or challenges single black women face in the cold hard world of dating, but I appreciated the author's point of view and I'm definitely glad she wrote it, as it sparked lots of discussion. But I couldn't help but wonder: are these lessons we should learn from Michelle? Or lessons men need to learn from Barack? I'm thinking the latter.

The piece, authored by a lovely young lady who I believe was a year or two behind me in law school, basically covered the way black women need to stop being so picky, and give the "cornball" type of guy a chance. Like Michelle did with Barack (he wasn't as fly as he is now when they first met). Um, okay, but as I've mentioned to my girls in the past, I DO give the nerds a chance, as do a lot of my friends. My lesson learned? Fat geeks can be jerks just as quickly as the hottie with a six pack and swagger can be.

The author mentioned that many of her friends will cut a guy off after the first date for trivial things like not dressing stylish enough (or too stylish), having small hands, "laughing too much", all sorts of fuckery. I don't know many women who would cut off a seemingly solid dude for such small imperfections. But I will drop you like a hot comb on the high setting if you are rude, a violent drunk, don't take care of yourself (if he's not taking care of himself (mentally and physically), how can I expect him to care of me?), or have dead teeth with no intention of mitigating the losses, I'm done. Call me picky.

The article sparked rounds and rounds of emails going back and forth regarding the travails of dating. But again, nothing really new was introduced in the lengthy email threads.

We touched on the familiar subjects of persistence vs. equal attraction (for the record, KB is not one to "grow" to like someone or find them attractive - I know within the first 10 seconds of meeting a gent if I want to see them in their birthday suit); whether we are holding out for our "equals" on paper (no - I don't care if you don't have a PHD from Stanford, but you better GI Joe it and be the best you can be at whatever you are doing - music, art, pressure cleaning, trash man, etc.); and what I consider the ultimate sign if a gent is in the Mr. KelleBelle running: genuine interest.

The last topic really struck a nerve because I have found myself completely bamboozled by dudes who I would consider dating seriously, but for whatever reason, they are not conveying their desire to do the same, but at the same time send mixed messages that they do want to date me exclusively. Perhaps it's just my location - I have mentioned time and time again the passive culture of the pacific northwest - but I seem to keep running into this phenomenon. I mean, even if I am just into a guy for casual dating, what makes or break moving him into the "serious consideration" category or put into the "friend" and/or "jump-off" box is his level of genuine interest (and mine, of course).

And that's what I think fellas need to learn from Barack. He was persistent in his courting of 'Chelle and was proactive in his quest to land his woman. If a gent isn't calling me, arranging dates (I will too, but it should be equal) - and NOT the day of said date - then clearly he isn't that into me. Maybe the timing isn't right, maybe he does really like me but he just sucks at conveying his interest, not sure. But take a page out of B's courting book and step ya game up.

And I am SO incredibly tired of dudes saying they are just so busy and tired and blah blah. B please. I've dated an ER doctor, a pro athlete, musician, politician, lawyer, hustler, sneaker designer, military man, professor (not while a student! get ya mind out the gutter), etc. If you really want to see me, you'll make time. And that's the end of it. If you call me only at your latest convenience, then that shows me your level of interest and I will proceed accordingly.

Thanks for letting me vent, y'all. Have a great weekend!

KelleBelle

Are you a FWD whore?

Do you have a friend/relative/associate that sends you countless FWD: FW: FW: messages that flood your inbox on the daily? Lord knows I do. The two main culprits are usually my mother and my god mother. I mean really, how many times do I need to see the lil boy pat Obama on the head in the Oval office? I get it. It's cute. Historic. Stop forwarding it please! Thanks.

Anywhether, a friend of mine sent our squad a message yesterday bringing our attneiton to her own FWD nightmare:

"Ok. I'm NOT fowarding this to you as a forward. I'm sending this because my dear friend, Daniella, sends me fwds REPEATEDLY. I get an avg of 5 a day from her...and that's an average. it's not the mere act of fwding that bothers me its that she sends them indiscriminately. no thought is put into whether i would be interested in seeing this or whether its likely that i saw it already. i will send fwds every now and then but i try to keep in mind that most people prolly don't want to be baraged by them.

I had another friend who would do this and i just ended up sending her emails automatically to my spam folder. I don't want to say anything to her because it may seem a bit stuck up, esp. b/c this is one of my pre-law school friends but DAMN! i hate getting these. and every now and then she'll send me an email directed to me and sometimes I don't see them because they are in my spam folder.

anyway, are you ladies similarly perturbed by these or should i just get over it?"

KB's note: for the record, this forward in particular was WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE. Nudity and a bit of racism all in one!

I responded to my friend's request for advice as follows:

Dude. This one of my biggest pet peeves. My god mother used to send me fwds non-stop, once 10 fwds in a two day period. I asked my mom how to politely ask my god mom to stop the forward madness. I, like you, didn't want to put her off, or send her to spam hell, because she does send actual emails with original content on occassion. Mom duke's solution? Lie!

I told my god mother my inbox was simply too full and I was getting warnings that my storage was about to exceed the limit. So please, no more forwards because they often contain large files attached/included with them.

Haven't received a forwarded "use this coupon today to get a free whopper at wendys!" or bible-esque cartoons (that are usually quite offensive/blasphemous in my heathen opinion) since!

K

Ps: this fwd is wildly inappropriate!!! And not that clever. Odd what folks forward. You think your girl even scans the email before forwarding?
_____________

My friends agreed that the little white lie will avoid the need for an awkward confrontation about the fwd insanity.

How would you deter a FWD whore? Are you a FWD whore yourself? Should I stop saying whore so much?

Smooches!

KB

Letters to a Young Sister

Hey kids! It's about that time when folks are graduating from high school, college, grad school, beauty school, ITT Tech (if you're smart - real talk these days...), etc. One of my dear friends is putting together a compilation of lessons learned since she left home for college, to give to her baby sister who graduated from high school last week and is off to college in the fall.

My friend asked for help with her list, and this is what I came up with:

1. Do not spend more than you make!

2. Don't use credit cards (except in serious emergencies).

3. Think of your next 5 steps and plan/prep accordingly (internship, summer job, grad school, career, etc).

4. Have fun but not too much. No party is worth jeopardizing your school work, reputation (showing up to your part-time law office job hungover is not cool), or your health.

5. Act like a lady and think like a man!

I think my ultimate word of advice is to reach out for help at the first sign of trouble - in any area, be it school, love, life, etc. Get your network of support together (family, friends, profs, mentors) sooner rather than later and USE them as a resource for advice, guidance, or just an ear.

What do you know now that you wish you knew when you left the nest? Do tell.

Smooches!

KelleBelle