Lessons Learned from Miche--- wait, Barack!

I was trying my absolute best to not write about an "article" that has been flying around the black-post-secondary-education world, but alas, I must give in and address some of the melee the piece has produced.

When one of my main b's forwarded the piece I couldn't help but take a heavy sigh and roll my eyes. The piece is about lessons single black women can learn from Michelle Obama. I know, snooze! In my opinion the piece didn't address any new ideas or challenges single black women face in the cold hard world of dating, but I appreciated the author's point of view and I'm definitely glad she wrote it, as it sparked lots of discussion. But I couldn't help but wonder: are these lessons we should learn from Michelle? Or lessons men need to learn from Barack? I'm thinking the latter.

The piece, authored by a lovely young lady who I believe was a year or two behind me in law school, basically covered the way black women need to stop being so picky, and give the "cornball" type of guy a chance. Like Michelle did with Barack (he wasn't as fly as he is now when they first met). Um, okay, but as I've mentioned to my girls in the past, I DO give the nerds a chance, as do a lot of my friends. My lesson learned? Fat geeks can be jerks just as quickly as the hottie with a six pack and swagger can be.

The author mentioned that many of her friends will cut a guy off after the first date for trivial things like not dressing stylish enough (or too stylish), having small hands, "laughing too much", all sorts of fuckery. I don't know many women who would cut off a seemingly solid dude for such small imperfections. But I will drop you like a hot comb on the high setting if you are rude, a violent drunk, don't take care of yourself (if he's not taking care of himself (mentally and physically), how can I expect him to care of me?), or have dead teeth with no intention of mitigating the losses, I'm done. Call me picky.

The article sparked rounds and rounds of emails going back and forth regarding the travails of dating. But again, nothing really new was introduced in the lengthy email threads.

We touched on the familiar subjects of persistence vs. equal attraction (for the record, KB is not one to "grow" to like someone or find them attractive - I know within the first 10 seconds of meeting a gent if I want to see them in their birthday suit); whether we are holding out for our "equals" on paper (no - I don't care if you don't have a PHD from Stanford, but you better GI Joe it and be the best you can be at whatever you are doing - music, art, pressure cleaning, trash man, etc.); and what I consider the ultimate sign if a gent is in the Mr. KelleBelle running: genuine interest.

The last topic really struck a nerve because I have found myself completely bamboozled by dudes who I would consider dating seriously, but for whatever reason, they are not conveying their desire to do the same, but at the same time send mixed messages that they do want to date me exclusively. Perhaps it's just my location - I have mentioned time and time again the passive culture of the pacific northwest - but I seem to keep running into this phenomenon. I mean, even if I am just into a guy for casual dating, what makes or break moving him into the "serious consideration" category or put into the "friend" and/or "jump-off" box is his level of genuine interest (and mine, of course).

And that's what I think fellas need to learn from Barack. He was persistent in his courting of 'Chelle and was proactive in his quest to land his woman. If a gent isn't calling me, arranging dates (I will too, but it should be equal) - and NOT the day of said date - then clearly he isn't that into me. Maybe the timing isn't right, maybe he does really like me but he just sucks at conveying his interest, not sure. But take a page out of B's courting book and step ya game up.

And I am SO incredibly tired of dudes saying they are just so busy and tired and blah blah. B please. I've dated an ER doctor, a pro athlete, musician, politician, lawyer, hustler, sneaker designer, military man, professor (not while a student! get ya mind out the gutter), etc. If you really want to see me, you'll make time. And that's the end of it. If you call me only at your latest convenience, then that shows me your level of interest and I will proceed accordingly.

Thanks for letting me vent, y'all. Have a great weekend!

KelleBelle