KelleBelle to God: I get it! No more bad reality TV.

Just as my Bobby-Brown-sighting induced nightmares have subsided, God plays a funny lil trick on me.

Picture it: I'm at an Ed Hardy fashion show, cracking on all the horrific ensembles the best of the inland empire had to offer. On my way to the ladies room a lithe young man pulls me close and says, "How you doin'?" Clearly, tryna holla. I replied, "I'm fine! See ya!" And made my way through the crowd. On my way back to my crew, I pass by dude again and this time I look at him straight in the eye. He looks familiar.

I stop, and say, "Do I know you?" And he proceeds to dance around the obvious: he's been on tv. He asks me if I'm an actress and do I attend these kind of events often, clearly trying to deflect attention from his "notoriety." I press him until he finally admits he's an "actor" and has been on a few commercials, and oh, did a reality show. I almost dropped my skinny girl margarita. A-ha!!! Now I know where I know him from! I tell him my name and that I interviewed him about two years ago. For those of you who recently jumped on the KB bandwagon, I used to write a weekly review of a certain VH1 dating show spin-off starring a filthy little muppet nicknamed after a large U.S. city.

A friend of mine happened to have known one of the cast members of the show and arranged the phone call. It was a very popular post and I remember a few things from the interview: dude is very religious, works as a host at Grand Lux Cafe (black folk's Cheesecake Factory as my friend calls it), but is really an actor (no, really).

After we realize we both have each other's phone number (note to self: change phone number) from the prior interview we have a good laugh. And then homey tries to holla some more! I'm like, dude, are you serious? I decided not to break his balls too much and instead said that we wouldn't be a good mesh because he's a christian, and I'm a jew. Well apparently he lost his way since the reality show because dude said he wasn't that religious and we could definitely make it happen. Ha! I rolled my eyes, told him "God Bless," and returned to my crew, firmly believing God has sent me more than enough clues that I need to stop watching horrid reality tv.*

So...who was it?

KB

*The final straw was seeing Snoop Dogg's morbidly obese "play son" Anthony at Jerry's Deli at 3am. There are so many things wrong with this. One, why was he eating at that late of an hour? He is seriously around Star Jones obese. And two, why do I know who he is? Damn you E! and your reality programming!

10 Things I Don't Like About Facebook

So, after meeting with a well respected executive on Friday where he revealed that he and most of his colleagues were on Facebook, I finally joined. Actually, I joined the damn thing 3 years ago when I was still a grad student (just to get access to some scandalous pictures of a classmate that were all the talk on the law school campus) but only logged in once, to check said hoochie's pictures. I decided to make my on-line home Myspace because the majority of people I was actually friends with were on there.

I put "effort" into my Myspace page. And by effort I mean I uploaded pictures and chose a theme song. I refused to join FB just because I rarely go onto Myspace so why join FB? But after my convo with exec dude, I realized I had to keep up with the on-line Jones'. So off I went to Facebook.

Snooze and a half. I really don't like it. Here's why:

1. There are way too many people on Facebook. Why is this a bad thing? See #2.

2. My childhood friend's father sent me a friend request.*

3. Way too many people that I have been trying my hardest to avoid since leaving: high school, L.A., college, law school, are on Facebook. Why is this a problem? See #4.

4. The "Friend finder" makes me way too accessible! Even after I put up the san quentin of privacy settings, an old college teammate sent me a request! 6 years of dodging this person went down the drain after being on FB for 30 min.

5. Facebook makes the world too small. Call me crazy, but I like a lil' distance between me and the scary co-worker that was forcibly removed from his office after child-porn was found on his computer.

6. Too much fuckery and tomfoolery. What the eff is a "cupcake"? or a "drink"? I never heard of a Jesse Mulroney cocktail. Clearly I am not hep to the FB lingo and I really couldn't care less if I ever am. And what the hell is a "wall"? Just say post a comment!

7. Don't poke me unless you want to start some grown folk business. I'm sorry but poking somebody just sounds dirty!

8. Mini-feeds. So that's the equivalent of seeing what someone has done lately to their page? Say that then! Don't make my jerk friend from high school's action of changing his profile pic from him smoking a j at Disneyworld to him doing a keg stand in the parking lot of Six Flags a "story."

9. Tagging photos is too easy. Um, you know what Facebook? I'd like to keep that pic of me in a bikini on vacay with my girls from law school a little harder to find, k? At least on myspace you have to make a bit of an effort to tag someone in a photo. Which explains why I haven't done it.

10. My childhood friend's father requested me as a friend.

* I haven't spoken to this friend in over 15 years. I vividly remember giving pops the side-eye on more than one occassion when I caught a creepy vibe.

If I Were Queen

Remember this day kids. I am officially a fan of Sean "Puff Daddy" "Diddy" "Swole Jaw" "Multiple Baby Daddy" Combs. I'm still not a big fan of his solos, I'm not convinced of his acting skills, nor will you ever catch KB in any of his women's wear. But I am a fan of him overall. Officially.

First, I must admit that a few weeks ago, unbeknownst to most of you (due to pride and shame), I got turned out on Making the Band! I never watched the show before, but a few friends of mine are die-hard fans. I watched the two hour finale with them, and as the credits rolled I was on-line looking for tickets for the MTB tour. I kid you not.

I was counting down the days til I could download Donnie Klang's single! Danity Kane's "Damaged" came on in the club a couple weekends ago and ya girl KB was on the dance floor like a damn reject from Girlicious. Just shakin' it uncontrollably. And let's not even get to my crushes within Day 26, Diddy's boy band.

But why am I choosing today as the day to come out as a fan of Bad Boy's patriarch? Four words: If I Were King.

It's an uber egotistical, over-dramatic, hour and a half-long advertisement for Sean John. (I'm sure it'll repeat on MTV a thousand times so no worry if you missed it tonight.) And I realize it's well scripted and planned out, but I can't hate on his skills nor his drive. Because he was doing all sorts of Making the Band amazingness (and making a cameo with his numerous children) while preparing for Fashion Week 08. That's what I call hustle. But yo, real talk: seeing how he stuck to his vision of having an all-black runway was incredible. "Are you trying to undermine me? ...No? Then why do I see white faces?" Awesome.

Much more fulfilling than J.Lo's fashion line mini-doc a few years ago where the highlight of the show was her demand for "more baby hair!" on the models.

Well done, Diddy.

KB

ps: Diddy's Chinese/Black designer/right hand man can call me!