10 Things I Don't Like About Facebook

So, after meeting with a well respected executive on Friday where he revealed that he and most of his colleagues were on Facebook, I finally joined. Actually, I joined the damn thing 3 years ago when I was still a grad student (just to get access to some scandalous pictures of a classmate that were all the talk on the law school campus) but only logged in once, to check said hoochie's pictures. I decided to make my on-line home Myspace because the majority of people I was actually friends with were on there.

I put "effort" into my Myspace page. And by effort I mean I uploaded pictures and chose a theme song. I refused to join FB just because I rarely go onto Myspace so why join FB? But after my convo with exec dude, I realized I had to keep up with the on-line Jones'. So off I went to Facebook.

Snooze and a half. I really don't like it. Here's why:

1. There are way too many people on Facebook. Why is this a bad thing? See #2.

2. My childhood friend's father sent me a friend request.*

3. Way too many people that I have been trying my hardest to avoid since leaving: high school, L.A., college, law school, are on Facebook. Why is this a problem? See #4.

4. The "Friend finder" makes me way too accessible! Even after I put up the san quentin of privacy settings, an old college teammate sent me a request! 6 years of dodging this person went down the drain after being on FB for 30 min.

5. Facebook makes the world too small. Call me crazy, but I like a lil' distance between me and the scary co-worker that was forcibly removed from his office after child-porn was found on his computer.

6. Too much fuckery and tomfoolery. What the eff is a "cupcake"? or a "drink"? I never heard of a Jesse Mulroney cocktail. Clearly I am not hep to the FB lingo and I really couldn't care less if I ever am. And what the hell is a "wall"? Just say post a comment!

7. Don't poke me unless you want to start some grown folk business. I'm sorry but poking somebody just sounds dirty!

8. Mini-feeds. So that's the equivalent of seeing what someone has done lately to their page? Say that then! Don't make my jerk friend from high school's action of changing his profile pic from him smoking a j at Disneyworld to him doing a keg stand in the parking lot of Six Flags a "story."

9. Tagging photos is too easy. Um, you know what Facebook? I'd like to keep that pic of me in a bikini on vacay with my girls from law school a little harder to find, k? At least on myspace you have to make a bit of an effort to tag someone in a photo. Which explains why I haven't done it.

10. My childhood friend's father requested me as a friend.

* I haven't spoken to this friend in over 15 years. I vividly remember giving pops the side-eye on more than one occassion when I caught a creepy vibe.