Recession Proof Jobs

Hey kids. I have been meaning to blog about hot topics regarding the upcoming presidential election but honestly I am just about burned out. I've seen and heard enough debates, snl clips, and npr stories to last me a lifetime...or at least until 2012. Hopefully by then the economy will be in a much better place, but until then, times is tough, honey.

I was at a swanky restaurant (for happy hour; we all know KB does not eat solid food after dusk...unless it's an olive or cherry in her cocktail) the other day with some coworkers and engaged in a delightful conversation with a very chatty bartender named Chip. He mentioned that he had worked at said swank establishment for 5 years and had never seen a no-reservation night until this month...when they had 3 in a row. Interestingly, he mentioned that the bar has never been better and all waitstaff are now seething to get a gig serving up cocktails - because that's where people are spending their dough. Who needs a thirty dollar steak when you can get an extra dirty martini, some complimentary peanuts, and a case of the giggles for a ten spot?

That being said, I have compiled a list of recession/depression (prove me wrong Bernake!) proof gigs:

11. Medium-Low Priced Callgirl. Cut the BJ fee in half and throw in a two-fer deal on Fridays and you may be on your way to buying that mobile home you've had your eye on.

10. Bartender/cocktail waitress. In times of economic distress, folks always reach for the booze to soothe their pain.

9. Collector. Be it credit card, student loan, mortgage, car note, wal-mart lay-a-way, etc. folks are behind on their payments. And someone's gotta nag them for it.

8. News Anchor. Someone's gotta tell you why you don't have a 401K, house, or job anymore.

7. Garbage (wo)man. All the trash you left behind at your soon to be foreclosed house has got to go somewhere.

6. Bus driver. Folks are struggling to pay the car note, let alone fill up with still high gas prices, so the public transporation sector will definitely need more drivers to bus around peeps going to and fro (the unemployment line).

5. Comedian/enne. Everyone needs a laugh, especially during hard times. Dust off that karoke machine in the garage and take your act on the road!

4. Reality show jerk. Apparently, if you lack any kind of skill, intellect, wit, pride, or class, you will always, always have a job at VH1. It may not pay anything up front, but you'll get a fake mansion to call home for 6 weeks and numerous opportunities to sell your soul after the show wraps.

3. Bootlegger. Who has money or time to hit the movies these days? I know I don't. Meanwhile, I'm heading to MLK blvd. to snoop out the neighborhood bootleg connect and cop a two dollar copy of "W." What?

2. Fireman. Folks are desperate for cheese and unfortunately many may go the arson route for that good insurance money. Although neighbors may not give a rip if their doomed home burns either, in the interest of public safety, the fire really should be put out.

1. Cop. Crime always rises in an economic downturn. If you don't mind dodging bullets from frustrated out of work citizens, it's Police Academy 6 (or is it 7) for you.