Real Talk: 2008 Presidential Race

Starring Jake and Kelly!

Now that Paris and Rihanna are officially a ticket (thanks a lot John McCain!), you knew J&K would be the next realistic presidential candidates.

Our first order of business? Duh, the war!

The war on fat that is.

Fast food joints will only be open for business during the hours of 2am-5am. You know, "the let-out" hours when folks need to soak up the liquor they consumed in the club before they drive home.

Thus ridding the country of fatties and curbing the number of DUIs. That, ladies and germs, is how you kill two birds with one stone.

Also, all lycra mini dresses in sizes XXL and above will be outlawed. And all primary schools will be outfitted with full-fledged gyms with mandatory exercise and/or dance classes for the kids.

Second order of bid-ness would be to legalize the chief.

Third would be to tackle the mortgage crisis. I would make it mandatory for all law students and lawyers to dedicate at least three hours a week to assist homeowners who are facing foreclosure negotiate with their lenders/banks. All who refuse to cooperate will be given public lashings broadcasted on youtube. What? The 8th amendment will be on vacay that day.

Fourth task - Energy. Now I know for a fact there is a surplus of jheri curl juice out there in somebody's warehouse, just waiting for that style to come back. I'm no scientist but I bet you can burn the juice to fuel a Hummer for days.

And lastly, on Wednesdays everyone must wear Pink!

Now, onto our cabinet.

Secretary of State: Oprah. She'll obviously be the one making the real decisions.

Chief of Staff: I'm gonna have to say Tyra. She's so bossy! Every meeting would be a fashion show complete with judging.

Press Secretary: Wendy Williams! How You Doin' America?

Secretary of the Treasury: John Stewart. Yup, I went the J route!

Secretary of Defense: The Rock. YUM!

Secretary of the Interior (decorating): Jake, I believe we can handle that ourselves.

Attorney General: Star Jones. I feel bad for her!

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dr. Drew. Rehab for everyone!

Jakester, how are you going to contribute?

And I, Jake can be Vice President!! I am such a VP. I am a good team player. I would give pep talks to the Pres and let the other side have it.

I am also perfectly okay with being number 2. It would be like fulfilling my life dream of being in a boy band. I can't sing or dance, but there's always someone in the group that has no talent. Like I can talk in the beginning of songs like Raz B or just be the good looking guy like Nokio or just be there for symmetry like Lance Bass. I can be that guy! I can be a good Farnsworth Bently too, actually better.

And, I can deliver you Georgia with a large gay black turnout thus flipping the map.

Vote for Jake!! Cough Kellebelle and Jake.