Who Wants to Fuck A Pirate?

The Day I Decided I Want to Fuck A Pirate

The other day I woke up to news that Somali Pirates had taken over a ship, got shot up by Navy Seals and then vowed revenge against the USofA. My initial thought was OMG..I just woke up in 1666! It's several days later and they are still talking about these damn Pirates. Today, I got a hard on thinking about these Somali Pirates despite having never ever seen a picture of what they look like. Indeed I hadn't seen one until I googled the above picture. I'd smash.

However, truth be told? They don't have to be hot to get sommadis! Yesss honey! These bitches took over a whole damn ship and stared down the fucking US army and then said fuck you to Barack Obama and the white guilt he rode in on. That has to make you at least a lil bit horny. It's more than ambition, it's motherfucking hot. What it must be like to be the love of a Somali Pirate! I could cook and clean and guard the gold until my man gets back from the high seas with more money for me. Although, I don't know what they do with all that there money. There's no Prada in Somalia and UPS ain't gone deliver you no Louis Vuitton. And, it's not like you need money to buy a house because if you can steal a ship, you can steal a house. I don't know what I would do with all that money. I'd prolly run off to Europe with that shit and live the life of a Queen. Actually, I'd prolly run off to Chelsea and live the life of a Queen. I mean a milli in the US must be infinity in Somalia...no? (Does Somalia even have currency?) Further, would it even matter that you were walking around with the flyest shit if nobody knew what fly shit was?

I digress. The point is I wanna fuck a Somali Pirate.

The end.

P.S. Anyone wanna take a cruise off the coast of Somalia with me!!?? Fuck the search for the gay rapper; find me the gay pirate!!!

P.P.S Somali Pirates if you are reading this call me! 555...

KelleBelle Commentary:

Ladies and gentlemen...the return of Jake!

Boy when you make an entrance, you really make an entrance!

Pirates kind of have a certain swag (pun completely intended!) about them, but I'mma give it to the Navy Seals for giving me a lady hard on. Can you imagine? Being held captive by some filthy pirates (I imagine they smell like ass and fish whereas the Navy seals smell like Cool Water and freedom) and then the seals swoop in and save the day. Y-U-M

p.s. LMAO @ "if you can steal a ship, you can steal a house." LOL. Thank jehbus you are back!