Jake Takes on Wii

So, I finally jumped in on all the Wii craziness and went and got one! Well, actually I got 2 because the first bundle didn't have Wii Fit, which is all the rave these days. Sidenote, I don't know what my problem is! I do shit just to stay relevant. I got the xbox 360 because I thought it was a cultural necessity only to find out that the Wii is where it's at. I went to see SATC not because I was ever a fan of the show, but because I everyone else was doing it. I think there's an evil puppetmaster that is directing my life. Perhaps, its Diddy? Oprah? Ryan Seacrest? I don't know, but...

The Wii Fit

Is a motherfucking bitch! Since my wii fit was taking too long tto arrive I decided to test out my boyfriend's wii. I tried it during a good time as I was really feeling myself. I had just done 2 fasts and 2 colonics, could fit my 30w gogetem jeans (uncomfortably, but I could get them on), and had received several compliments about the re-me (not new cause I've been here before). So, it was one of those rare moments where I didn't think I was fat.

Then I got on the Wii fit and it told me that my BMI was normal and only 1 point away from perfect. I am like sweet! But, that fascist robomidget wasn't done. He wants me to be perfect, which turns out to mean that I should lose 8 lbs. Struups. Where is this 8lbs gonna come from? I usually agree that one can almost always be thinner, but I think it's discretionary, not mandatory. Geez. I am all fasted out, can't take anymore pills, and refuse to stick anything up my bum anytime soon. I drank juice and ate leaves for a week, so there's no more dieting in me Wii. I hate you, suck it.



Then my Wii Fit finally arrived! The Wii Fit that I had stayed up until 2:30 am trying to track down, the Wii Fit that I bought for like $500 because it only came in a bundle (even though I had just spent $400 on a different Wii bundle), and the Wii Fit that I just had to fucking have by any means necessary. Yup, it arrived. Finally!

I put that bitch in the corner and haven't opened it yet. And, I see the way it looks at me when I walk by too. With disdain, with judgment, with disgust even. It's as if my BF's Fit had communicated to my Fit that I was supposed to have lost 8lbs by now. The problem is that the first Wii fucked me up so much that I have been eating my feelings, so I prolly need to lose like 20lbs now. The last thing I need is to have a personal trainor who can't be reasoned with moving into my studio apartment telling me what to do. Nobody tells me what to do! Okay, Wii Fit can stay in that there box until he is ready to either start paying bills or cut me some slack.

It's crazy. Wii Fit has taken over my life. I am not even using it and it's controlling me. I have seen that little fucker cuss bitches out too. He asks where you have been, yells at you for not following directions, and will even talk about you behind your back. Truth be told, if I could take him to a bar, we'd be bestis. But, for now he needs to be put in his place.



So, tonight I am laying down the law. I am going to introduce Mr. Fit to ebay.com and then to the trash chute. Then I am going to the gym, taking a laxative, stripping naked and getting on my Wii Fit. See how he acts now! Runtellday Mr. Wiiiii Fit.

Funny sidenote. I am such a bitch that I once took it out and set it up so that my fried could get on it. I wasn't going anywhere near it, but I told her she would love it! I totally tried to set her up. I felt guilty about it, but not really. You gots to watch out for people like me! I will make wii fit do my dirty work. We would be good together, but I bet he's fat.