The Jake & Kelly Show: I Love Money! Weekly Review

Episode 3: "Kiss Me, I've got an STD"

Ugh. I'm on a time crunch so let's get to it.

First, a bit of couples news: Heat and Destiny are apparently an item. The Entertainer is jealous and wants Destiny for himself. 12Pack and Heather are another item. All of this is fueled by loads of alcohol, naturally.

And now for the new team captains.

Gold team: The Entertainer

Green team: Mr. Boston

The teams are instructed to pair up, dress for a "luncheon", and get ready for a real "mouthful" of a challenge. I doubt any of these nit-wits have been to a luncheon, let alone know how to dress for one.

Anywhether, the teams pair up based on ill-conceived strategies. The Green team pairs up people based on their assumption that the next challenge will have them engaged in a Fear Factor sort of eating competition. Whereas, the Gold team has no strategy at all and just slaps people together randomly.

Well, the Green team's assumption isn't that far off. The challenge definitely has a fear factor aspect to it. But mostly because of the high chance of catching an infection, a la herpes and/or syphillis of the mouth.

This challenge is based on an episode of Flavor of Love, when New York and Flav shared what was apparently a record-breaking extremely long gross std swap kissing session.Did I mention Boston was paired with Chance? Awesome!

The team with the longest kissing couple wins. Every couple must kiss at least once, for even a half a second, or else that team is disqualified. Of course the green team is scared Chance will not "take one for the team." Heather reminds Chance that if he does kiss Boston, it will surely garner him all sorts of notoriety, "You'll be on tmz, best week ever, my myspace page!" Ya gotta love these famewhores.

Shockingly, Chance turns down the chance to be on Heather's myspace page and refuses to kiss Boston. Green team is disqualified. Heat throws a towel at Chance's back in disgust, clearly forgetting that Chance "don't play that!" Chance, in a futile attempt to prove his manhood, challenges Heat to a fist fight but of course just yells like a mean girl. Destiny steps in and stirs up the kool-aid. Snooze. Speaking of kool-aid, Entertainer points out that Heat does nothing to defend Destiny when Chance goes off on her. Destiny cries into Entertainer's arms, explaining that she is "about to come on her period." Lovely.

The Green team cannot make a decision as to whom to send to the elimination round. Therefore The Entertainer gets to decide for them. He chooses Meghan, Boston, and Heat.

The power outing consists of Meghan, Boston and Heat going with The Entertainer to a beachside table where the four get to sip bottle upon bottle of wine while the Entertainer yells and scowls at all three of them.

Boston fakes a stomach ailment and begins puking uncontrollably at the table. Somehow, his nose started bleeding as well. Someone has been taking classes at the Learning Annex! Well, played B. His acting chops bested Toastee's fake fall from last week in her successful attempt to obtain the pity vote.

The Entertainer loves his momentary position of authority. He cusses out Meghan and tells her she's a bleeping bleep. She replies that she is just "misunderstood." Maybe that's because anything she says is unintelligible due to her child-like voice (and undeveloped grasp of the english language) and drunken slurs.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna need to know where Meghan got that bathing suit from. It's uber cute. Does that make me a hoochie? Ah well. It's ferosh.