This weekend I used Jesus to end a date that was approaching FIVE HOURS LONG. GOD DAYUM! Somethimes you have to know when to say when and when to say Jesus.
I was on a date with a guy I have been dating for like several months. Very casual. For some reason I just haven't been into this guy. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I don't know if it is because he is taller than me (by a lot), because he is dumber than me (by a lot), because he is poorer than me (by a lot) , or because he is younger than me (by a lot in maturity). Alls I know is that I wasn't feeling it and I tried my best. I was all like it's okay to date a 21 yo from the ends of Brooklyn who works part time at a makeup store and spends his off days drinking with his moms and finds fun in poking me and giggling. I can. I am evolved and open minded. Turns out, I am delusional.
Anyways, we spent almost all of saturday together and as the day went on I became more and more annoyed and bored with this guy. I mean, can't a guy smoke his reefer in peace? He wouldn't leave. He even spent the night. I tried playing sleep, but I could sense his awakeness so I made out with him some, but I wasn't even into that.
I told him that in the morning I had to go to church. And in the morning I got up and said I was going to church. He watched. I said I am getting in the shower so I can go to church. He watched. I got out and said I am getting dressed for church. He decided to get up now too. I got dressed for church and went down stairs. He came along. We get outside and I say I need a jacket. I said I don't need a jacket. He looks at me. I say I am going to get a jacket. He says I'll wait right here for you (outside my building...GOD DAYUM). I go get a jacket and he proceeds to walk me to the subway where I go into the subway and stand for a few seconds. I then came out and quickly turned the corner and went home to take a damn nap.
Can you imagine? I got fully dressed for church and went all the way to the subway to end a date. You know what's even funnier? I was so committed I put BET on and sang gospel songs. Granted, the only one I know is Jesus, Oh What A Wonderful Child from Mariah Carey's Xmas album and lucky me so did he because he. lives. for. Mariah (but, who doesn't really?). Even funnier? This all happened at about 10am. He had to leave to go to work at noon anyways. I went through all of that for 2 hours of solitude.
And, I like this guy. He is sooo sweet and I hope he never finds out, but I get the sense that he knows. One week earlier I pretended to get a last minute work assignment on my BB at about 10pm at night and I don't think he believed me. I feel terrible.
As mean as I am you think I would just be honest right? Actually, I think that would be too nice for me.
I was on a date with a guy I have been dating for like several months. Very casual. For some reason I just haven't been into this guy. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I don't know if it is because he is taller than me (by a lot), because he is dumber than me (by a lot), because he is poorer than me (by a lot) , or because he is younger than me (by a lot in maturity). Alls I know is that I wasn't feeling it and I tried my best. I was all like it's okay to date a 21 yo from the ends of Brooklyn who works part time at a makeup store and spends his off days drinking with his moms and finds fun in poking me and giggling. I can. I am evolved and open minded. Turns out, I am delusional.
Anyways, we spent almost all of saturday together and as the day went on I became more and more annoyed and bored with this guy. I mean, can't a guy smoke his reefer in peace? He wouldn't leave. He even spent the night. I tried playing sleep, but I could sense his awakeness so I made out with him some, but I wasn't even into that.
I told him that in the morning I had to go to church. And in the morning I got up and said I was going to church. He watched. I said I am getting in the shower so I can go to church. He watched. I got out and said I am getting dressed for church. He decided to get up now too. I got dressed for church and went down stairs. He came along. We get outside and I say I need a jacket. I said I don't need a jacket. He looks at me. I say I am going to get a jacket. He says I'll wait right here for you (outside my building...GOD DAYUM). I go get a jacket and he proceeds to walk me to the subway where I go into the subway and stand for a few seconds. I then came out and quickly turned the corner and went home to take a damn nap.
Can you imagine? I got fully dressed for church and went all the way to the subway to end a date. You know what's even funnier? I was so committed I put BET on and sang gospel songs. Granted, the only one I know is Jesus, Oh What A Wonderful Child from Mariah Carey's Xmas album and lucky me so did he because he. lives. for. Mariah (but, who doesn't really?). Even funnier? This all happened at about 10am. He had to leave to go to work at noon anyways. I went through all of that for 2 hours of solitude.
And, I like this guy. He is sooo sweet and I hope he never finds out, but I get the sense that he knows. One week earlier I pretended to get a last minute work assignment on my BB at about 10pm at night and I don't think he believed me. I feel terrible.
As mean as I am you think I would just be honest right? Actually, I think that would be too nice for me.
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1 comment:
Jake, you need Jesus.
Why didn't you text KB? I'da called you with an "emergency" so you could get outta there...and not piss off JC in the process.
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