Hello Pot, I am Kettle!

I am pretty out of it. I hardly keep track of appointments and barely check my email and there's no good reason for it. It's a problem particularly at work. However, today I decided to do better. I decided to attend a training session taught by my mentor. You know, it's always good to show face (especially one as cute and done up as mine) every once in a while. And, it's not like I was doing anything anyways.

I go to my meeting and as soon as I sit myself down to learn THE SHIT HITS THE FAN. Thus I present to you the FRIDAY CRAZIES!!!

I get a text from my friend, who earlier this year had a nose job. He wanted to get rid of what he called his "Jew nose." He loved his new nose and wassn't shy about showing it off using pictures of old and new nose. Then his Dr. convinced him to let him tweak the nose just a bit to make it even better. Now, with that background I present to you the following blackberry messager exchanges:

Friend: I hate my new/old nose! I am so upset right now! I wanna cry!
Me: Why? Maybe it's just swollen. It's temporary.
Friend: You have no idea how dissapointed I am, it really looks bad, I'm so screwed!
Me: Oh no! Have him put it back to the way it was.
Friend: I look like a freak! I'm not going to be able to leave the house!!! He can't put it back. He is an idiot and I am an idiot for letting him do it. I can't, I'can't...***tears, ***sniffle.
Me: It can't be that bad, I am sure it's just different. You'll get used to it.
Friend: I am just worried my BF won't like it.
Me: Are you serious!? He loves you as you are and your nose won't make a bit of difference.
Friend: Whatever, if he doesn't "like" me anymore because of this shit, then it wasn't right from the get go.
Me: You are a silly girl.
Friend: Yeah, Kinda.
Me: Bless your heart.
Friend: Oh, Please bless my nose.

Time passes

Friend: Ok, I may have been a little quick to judge, it's still swollen, I'll have to wait another month before I can officially say that I hate it, overall I am still beautiful.
Friend: And I should only accept those who care about me as a nice person, besides, my next patient (50 year old lady) has a crush on me!
Me: Because you are a nice person?

Now, just as soon as this conversation jumps off I get a text from another friend!

Me: Are you home? Work depresses me. Let's hang out.
Friend: No. I thought I would see a walk in shrink. Been here 10 minutes and I'm already pissed off.
Me: Wait, there are walk in shrinks!? Why don't you just talk to me. I can be a shrink. Maybe better than a lawyer.
Friend: At St. Vincent's there are, they said there is a wait so I thought I would stay until I get sick of waiting.
Me: (other friend) doesn't like his new nose.
Friend: OH NO! He better leave this nose job alone and let it be his last. If he keeps going he's going to look like cat woman. And btw, I've been here 30 minutes and I hate the front desk woman. That along with the other crazys is making me rethink my intake form. I may add homicidal to the list.
Me: NO!!! I'll give you a lorazapam. It will calm you down!
Friend: Oh god! One of the CPs (Crazy people) just got all agitated by his wait time and was acting up, I fear this may insite a riot. If I text 911, leave work and meet me in the safe house....with a brownie if you have time.
Me: I can't take it. Am going to faint.
Friend: You should see me! I keep laughing out loud and I think the CPs have accepted me as one of their own! This couldn't be a worse misunderstanding!
Friend: To make it better, I think the front desk ppl think I'm a drugseeker.
Me: This is crazy! Why can't you just go to an AA meeting!?
Friend: I am not an alcoh0lic.
Me: Whatever, it's free therapy and you don't need an appointment....AND they might have brownies.

It doesn't stop there...midway through all of this I get an IM from another friend (randomly)!

Friend: You're right. I'm totally in love with Mike Little

Background note: Mike is this chubby guy that my friend always hangs out with. I would call him fatty in this post, but she already has a fatty in her life and I already have a chubs, and fatty magoo is taken, so we are just creating an actual name for this guy. In any event, I have been teasing her about being in love with this guy for a while, but she is too vain to date him because he's chubbers mcflubbers (oh, look at that).

Me: OH.MY.GOD.
Friend: It's okay. I am not going to do anything.
Me: OH!! MY!! GOD!!! I didn't believe it until you just said it!! Why wouldn't you do anything? He's totally in love with you too and you know it.
Friend: Not true. He has a girlfriend. We're out with a girlfriend of mine and he's so sweet with her. Which made me realize how much I like him. But maybe it's like how I love you.
Me: You love me like you love a fat person!? How could you say that to me?
Friend: I have to go.
Me: Wait, do you or do you not love me the same way you love a fat person? Are you calling me fat!?

Eventually, my meeting would end. But, I swear all of this was too much for an hour long presentation. It's like, why did all the crazies start acting up at the same time and during the same hour when I actually had something to do.

And, if you are reading this and don't know any of these people they are all as dramatic as they sound. You may think they are exagerating, but they are not. We are all this dramatic, this vain and this ridiculous.

Thank God for the Blackberry! I had three different real time conversations via 3 different mediams (bb messenger, google talk and text) all the while "learning" about: indubitable equivalent, impairment, confirmation and who knows what else. These are just some words I picked up during all the texting.

What a Friday!