Can I really continue to date someone who my friends refer to as Chubs? Wait, back up, can I date someone that is chubs? Turns out, I can, I have, and I will. Well, kinda. I have been dating a guy who is otherwise fantastic, but has back fat and a muffin top. No, seriously. When I first met him he was in a suit and I was drunk. When I got the up close and personal, I found it. I almost fainted, but I acted like it wasn't there.
I mean I was all confused because homie is always talking about going to the gym. Sidenote, I hate people who talk about working out all the time but have nothing to show for it. For this guy, residual back fat and a muffin top is what he has to show for going to the gym because he used to be 40 lbs heavier. Yikes! You would think that this would make me feel better, but it did not. Upon hearing this I almost put him out. I daydreamed that I did. It was as if I could see all the fat back on him.
But can I really be so vain as to break up with someone over a muffin top, back fat, and old fat? What if they gave excellent head? No, excellent? I do not know. It is unclear. It is in these times of indecision and confusion that we need inspiration. So, I thought to myself…self, what would Diddy do?
I immediately knew what I had to do. I would send him home for a few months and see how he looks afterwards. So, for the past month or so I have been avoiding him and blowing him off. It’s tricky because I had to engage him just enough to keep him interested, but still avoiding seeing him. This is another instance of me putting someone on a diet without them even knowing it.
I mean I was all confused because homie is always talking about going to the gym. Sidenote, I hate people who talk about working out all the time but have nothing to show for it. For this guy, residual back fat and a muffin top is what he has to show for going to the gym because he used to be 40 lbs heavier. Yikes! You would think that this would make me feel better, but it did not. Upon hearing this I almost put him out. I daydreamed that I did. It was as if I could see all the fat back on him.
But can I really be so vain as to break up with someone over a muffin top, back fat, and old fat? What if they gave excellent head? No, excellent? I do not know. It is unclear. It is in these times of indecision and confusion that we need inspiration. So, I thought to myself…self, what would Diddy do?
I immediately knew what I had to do. I would send him home for a few months and see how he looks afterwards. So, for the past month or so I have been avoiding him and blowing him off. It’s tricky because I had to engage him just enough to keep him interested, but still avoiding seeing him. This is another instance of me putting someone on a diet without them even knowing it.
Anywhoots, the time has come. It is time for me to check up on his status. It’s me or the muffin-top!! I will let you know.
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