Smacking Bitches with BBs

Jake:

Kellebelle, I was both shocked and inspired by Ms. Foxy Brown's recent arrest for smacking some ho with her blackberry. See a top model will beat youwith a regular old cell phone, but a rapper will smack yo ass with a blackberry, busting yo eye and lip. A top model gets sued, a rapper gets arrested. It's real.

Meanwhile, after hearing the news all I could think about was who Iwould like to bust upside the head with a blackberry.

1. Some boy that broke my friend's heart. He will remain nameless,but he works near me and I saw him today. I literally pictured myself bashing his fat head in, but I didn't. Don't nobody fuck with one of my Gannies (Gay-Nanny). Especially not one of my top Gannies. Now she's getting married and he wears pleated pants and ill-fitting shirts. Cause God don't like ugly!
   
2. Lauryn Hill. I mean she is just wasting away all that talent.When God blesses you as he did her with that voice and talent you have to just do what he wants. I mean, you think I like blogging? Hell naw, it's work. I do it because that's what God wants. She can't keep acting like she acting. I want to bash the crazy spirits out of her with my blackberry. Exorcise those deamons.
   
3. Whoever is running VH1. They is setting us back, son. They just finished taping ILNY 2. (I know right? I can't wait either KB). But, this is after 2 seasons of FOL and Charm School. Compare Hogan Knows Best for the others. I am gonna get him/her with my phone and my blackberry, and then whatever phone or blackberry he may have on his person. For all my peoples. Gimme some!

You trying to bash any heads in with your pretty new iphone?

KelleBelle:

Well Jake, funny you should ask, because I was THIS close to whipping my Iphone out this morning on my secretary, who failed me yet again. I barely ask her to do anything and the one time I do, she fugs it up! I wanted to pull a Naomi on her so bad Jake! But to save myself from a law suit and criminal charges (I don't have enough fab outfits to walk to and from my community service work-site a la Ms. Campbell) I simply scolded her and asked her not to fail me again.

You know who else could use a BlackBerry/Iphone bashing? Ms. Amy Winehouse. That B done checked herself out of rehab already. Like after two minutes. Come on now Amy! Get thy ass back in there, stat! Stop saying No No No and accept the help. That's real talk.

Okay that's all the bashing I can think of. What can I say, I'm a pacifist. Or just a Mean Girl who would rather talk about someone behind their back then risk breaking a nail by engaging in any sort of physical confrontation.

Jake:

You disapoint me KB. And btw, some people aren't even worthy of being talked about behind their back. It's best you smack these bitches with your blackberry or whatever other device you may have. This is exactly why I avoid petite lil pocket phones. They can hardly bust a bubble, let alone a lip. Sack up KB!!