Picture It!!!

You know I love nothing more than to tell a good ole fashioned story. But I must warn you this one is a horror story! Picture it: New york 2007.

I am minding my own business, as I am known to do. I am taking the train to work, a task that causes me great anxiety. I exit the train to go up the escalator and since it is not working I have to walk up. I am listening to my ipod, something Britney I am sure, and consequently not paying attention. I ended up going up behind a very LARGE man. He is so large that he is spilling over his shoes. He is so large that I spent the majority of the rest of the day trying to figure out how he gets his clothes. More importantly, he is so large that I am fearing for my life as I go up the stairs behind him. For, if he loses his balance and falls back, I am DONE! And, there's nothing I can do about it. There's no passing lane so I can't move ahead of him. There are a bunch of people behind me so I can't go back down. Moving two, three, or four people behind him probably won't do any good. I am stizuck, and scizared. My heart was pounding, my brain was racing, my eyes were focused. I was trying to come up with exotic escape scenerios, but I can't jump like Jackie Chan and will never be as lucky as Will Smith in any of his movies. I was at his mercy.

Whilst coming up with all the scenarios, I realized damn that. What if he farts! Because his ass is surely in my face, and again I can't go nowhere, or anywhere rather. Of course when you see someone fat you think all they do is fart all day, so I am scared...almost shitless. Biggest fear of them all is that he begins to wobble and in the process of trying to keep his balance he farts and I am left to smell and watch him fall on me. Yikes!

Fortunately for me, he wobbled his way to the top is his unstable shoes. I got to the top, and breathed a sigh of relief and quickly ran past him to ensure that I am never behind him again. Lesson: always pay attention!