Speaking of Phoning a Friend

you gots to be careful which friend you phone and when. I learned that recently, particularly when dealing with dating and relationship issues. Why? Single bitches is bitter. Could that be why they are single? Perhaps.

I am the type of person that reacts very quickly to situations and my initial reaction is probably not the one I want to go with. In addition to reacting quickly, I react strongly and sometimes unreasonably. So, with this is mind I like to mull things over and consult friends. I always want to make sure that I am being rational and have considered the other persons POV. I tell my friends what's up, tell them what I am thinking, and end with...I mean am I crazy?

The problem is that my friends looove to get me all riled up. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a boxing match and my friends get me a corner and get me excited and then send me out to fight. Rather, that's what my single friends do. I am convinced that they don't even listen to me. They give the same stock speeches that almost certainly will keep my ass just as single and bitter as they are. Love yall, don't hate me.

I recently had to cut all friends off and stop talking to them about an issue that came up with a guy I have been dating. But one friend managed to get me talking about it and also managed to give me super reasonable advice. This is only the second time I have gotten reasonable advice in a long time. The one thing that she had in common with the last person? They are both married.

Coincidence? I don't think so. I think there is a reason why some people are perpetually single. I think dealing with other people in the context of relationships requires a certain amount of nuance and some people just don't take the time. I myslef am stuck somewhere in the middle. I am smart enough to know that I can't always be right even when I am not smart enough to know why. I am certainly smart enough to know when my friends are trying to sabotage me.

Now, if only I can get this guy to consult a married woman on occasion and stop acting crazy. I saw on Discovery where these two tribes were at war and the only way to stop it was to offer a goat for peace, so I offered him one of my nannies to advise him. He was getting some F'd up advice from his boys. How a gay man can live without one or more nannies is beyond me! Anyways, he rejected my nanny offering. How rude! I have two getting married in the fall. Surely, one of them can help him.

Message to my nannies: I use the goat as a metaphor, no wait, as a educational tool. Although, you wouldn't be upset if you knew how important those goats are to those tribes.