Who wants to be a phone-a-friend of a Millionaire?

I do, and I might be. I have a friend who is going to be on the show Who wants to be a Millionaire. And, guess who she asked to be a phone a friend? That’s right little ole me! Silly ole Jake. Who’d a thunk it! I mean, I don’t even trust me to answer a question about anything and here she is trying to call me.

The chances she calls me is unlikely. I have a very special knowledge base. I can only help out with sports and pop culture. That’s it. If the answer can be gotten from Entertainment Tonight or Sportcenter I can help. Other than that, call someone else. She is not to call me if the answer comes from a book because I have not read it (except for Nicole Richie’s Truth About Diamonds, and I haven’t even finished that- it’s been 3 years).

Meanwhile, she has inspired me to go on a game show myself. I just can’t think of one I can actually win. I asked a friend for guidance and she said one based on luck. Bitch. I’ve given this some thought and decided that indeed there is no game show that I would have a reasonable shot at winning. I suck. I mean back in the day I coulda won double dare, but those days have passed.

I did figure out which reality show I could win. It can’t be one where people have to like you or vote for you so Big Brother is out. I am not an outdoors person so Survivor is out. I prefer picking over being picked so Next is out. Plus size models never win so ANTM is out. I would cuss Diddy out, am tone def, and can't follow dance instructions so I ain’t Making the Band.

The only show I could win is the Apprentice, but I am not sure if it even comes on TV anymore. I mean that show is simple and the people who win it are even simpler. I would just stay out of trouble for a few weeks and then mid way through become project manager and win and then live on that until the very end, all the while sabotaging everyone else. Brilliant. Sign me up.

Let’s all go on a show!